Quote Originally Posted by brwneydgirl View Post
..but when you've been trying to make the best of it for years and years and it's to the point where you'd rather just skip sex altogether than pretend to enjoy what your partner is doing instead of hurt their feelings, it starts getting ugly.
I am sorry. It is a bad situation, and, as you say later on, all too common too.
My thought was, if you turned the situation around: would you like him to pretend that what you did was enjoyable - time and time again? Would you like to keep doing something that was bad for your partner?

My situation seems to be a common one here on the library. My husband will do what I ask...he'll tie me down, spank me a bit, might even tussle with me a little, but I KNOW (because he's expressly told me) that none of these are things he enjoys. He gets no fulfillment from it, and in fact, it stresses him out to think that I DO enjoy them---and that that enjoyment probably reaches further than he'd care to examine. So, to save his feelings, I hide that part of myself away.
He does all you ask, but says he does not enjoy it..It stresses him to think that you enjoy what he is doing to give you pleasure? So you try not to show your pleasure, or did you mean you try not to have any bdsm at all?

Is it at all possible that, if he stopped freaking out over this interest, he might enjoy it? Could he and you maybe talk to some other bdsm people? Could he be on this list? Is it possible to de-dramatize the whole thing? Could you get some good books?

I tried to make the best of it by explaining what I want. I topped from the bottom. But my "better...at least for a while" is coming to an end and that scares me.
It certainly does not sound good..have you talked to him about what he might want? Have you talked in more general terms about bdsm, and how common and totally harmless it is?

Have you talked about you trying to meet someone else?