B is for Bondage

[maddie]

(Throughout this article, I assume that the person being tied up is a sub. This is not necessarily true, but it’s the easiest way I found to refer to that person.)

The ‘b’ in BDSM is, as some of you already know, a subject near and dear to my heart. Bondage. Tying someone up, restricting their movements, making someone completely vulnerable. The mere thought gives many of us goosebumps, at the very least.

There are six basic types of bondage: pulling parts of the body together, spreading parts of the body apart, tying a body to something, suspending a body, restricting movement (i.e. hobble skirts or handcuffs), and wrapping the body in bindings. (OK, some of you more pedantic types might say that the last two are fundamentally part of other types, but I’m leaving them there.)

What is it about bondage that makes it so attractive to so many people? For many, there’s a rush in giving over control to someone, allowing themselves to be made vulnerable, even helpless. On the other side, it’s taking someone and leading them down a path that you control. As a result, it’s often incorporated into a BDSM scene that relates to helplessness. There may or may not be sexual contact involved.

Methods

Verbal bondage is the most simple, yet potentially the most powerful form of bondage. Once put in a particular position, the sub is told not to move. Verbal bondage, I think, is a nice way to start because it isn’t physically binding. It’s less intimidating. There’s little chance of physical harm with verbal bondage, unless the other person does something stupid. It can also provide a very emotional experience as the sub works to fulfill the order to not move.

Physical bondage can be done several ways:

• tying together of the hands and/or feet
• anchoring the hands to the front, back, or sides
• spread eagle
• hogtie

Regardless of whether you use verbal or physical bondage, it’s important to remember to be careful not to put too much strain on the sub’s joints. More on safety later.

You don’t have to know how to do really intricate knots to tie someone up. Nor do you need expensive materials. For hands or feet being bound together, a long scarf, a pair of nylons, or a necktie work just as well and can feel quite nice against the skin. They even add a bit of a personal touch. There is a bit of a thrill to seeing a man whisk off his tie, knowing he’s about to use it to tie you up.

If you opt to use rope, find rope that’s not going to fray easily and feels good against your skin, at least to start. Don’t be shy! Go to the home improvement store near you and rub it against your skin. The nook of your elbow is a good place. It’s sensitive, but not overly so.

There are a variety of sources online that show how to tie someone up. Do a search on your favorite search engine and you’ll find bunches of them. Some have pictures and instructions.

BDSM can be a very powerful experience. The power exchange involved can create strong emotional reactions. Bondage, even if it’s just tying your girlfriend’s hands and having sex with her, requires a considerable amount of trust from all involved.

The philosopher Michel Foucault did some exploration into BDSM on an intellectual level and was very curious about the power relations involved in bondage. He was particularly curious about a “limit experience”, that fine line between intense pleasure and intense pain. It’s a dangerous journey, but it can be very rewarding if done right.


Safety

Have a safe word. They are not for wusses. Have one. USE IT. Have a hand signal, too, for when the sub is gagged. Safe words/signals are your friend. You have not failed if you use it.

Don’t put too much strain on the sub’s joints. Allow time for the sub to become accustomed to the position. Remember that what’s comfortable now isn’t necessarily comfortable after twenty minutes.

Never, EVER leave a person who is bound and gagged unattended.

Don’t forget to set up a safe word.

Pay attention to your body, if you’re the one being tied up. Things to watch for: tingling, numbness, and coldness. These mean the restraints are pressing on a nerve. If you experience any tingling, numbness, or coldness, tell your partner. You may wish to have a “yellow light” safe word for this sort of situation.

Never put anything over both a sub’s nose and mouth. Keep one uncovered at all times. If your sub has a cold or is, for whatever reason, unable to breathe properly through the nose and you still want to use a gag, find one of those ball gags that has holes in it.

Have a safe word. USE IT. Don’t think that just because you’ve been with your partner for a long time or because you’ve done a particular scene or activity before means it’ll go just as well this time.

Self-bondage is quite appealing to some, but carries many risks. In the U.S. alone, 500-1000 people die annually from causes that are eventually determined to be related to self-bondage gone wrong. If you feel the need to engage in self-bondage, it’s best to avoid strict self-bondage (when you have no means of escape until a particular event occurs or a specific amount of time has passed). If you really feel you have to do that, give yourself an out, but attach a penalty to that escape method. For instance, put a second handcuff key in a small bowl of paint. Trust me. You’ll appreciate this if you’re tied up and there’s a fire.

Autoerotic asphyxiation is particularly dangerous. People die from it. Cutting off the oxygen supply to your body can seriously damage your brain. Strangling might seem like it could be fun, but it can lead to brain damage and heart attacks. KNOW YOUR RISKS. If you choose to engage in this, be very careful. Research it thoroughly. Make sure you are NEVER alone. Whoever is with you needs to know CPR and how to deal with heart attacks.

Keep scissors on hand. There are special bandage scissors that are made so that you can cut through bandages without cutting into the skin. They’re not that expensive. Invest in a pair.

Did I mention having a safe word? Because you should have one.


Further reading:

Michel Foucault: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Foucault
http://www.londonfetishscene.com/wip....php/Main_Page
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

[Silke]

Oh wow - what an interesting read! I don't know a lot about bondage and it's great to see a lot of the vital information in one place - very well done, maddie, and thank you so much for putting this together.

I haven't had the chance to check out the links yet but will do when I get the time. Can't wait to see what the more experienced people here have to say about those...

Yay - let's discuss bondage!!

*leaves for a little bit, drooling about verbal bondage*

[lily27]

I love love love this series.

[Tojo]

http://www.nawashi.com/main.html

http://www.ropefashions.com/index.php

http://fetish.pornparks.com/solobound/misc.html

http://www.realknots.com/

There's a few more links.

Excellent article maddie. Good safety points, this stuff can be very dangerous- particularly when you do it by yourself.

Most of my life I've been interested in being tied up, it's only in the last few years I lost interest in that to the point where it doesn't appeal at all.

Tying up a pretty girl though....heck yeah I like the thought of that!

Rope bras are fun things- my wife still talks about that sometimes...

I'd like to add that leather cuffs are excellent restraints. They don't leave the marks that ropes do. A friend I spoke to last night who was in a hanging hogtie for the first time said 'you should see the rope marks' Pity she was so tired or I would have asked to...

To be tied up & at the mercy of someone who can (& usually does) whisper evil things in your ear, tease you & more, is a truly wonderful experience.

If you trust the person with your life (yes that's right...) you can have an experience without equal.

Tojo (momentarily lost in some memories)

[Timberwolf]

I suck with knots, but that's why they really invented handcuffs.

Good article, again.

[Silke]

To be tied up & at the mercy of someone who can (& usually does) whisper evil things in your ear, tease you & more, is a truly wonderful experience.

If you trust the person with your life (yes that's right...) you can have an experience without equal.

Tojo (momentarily lost in some memories)

Silke (momentarily lost in dreamland)

[Ozme52]

Well presented.

B is for Bondage was an easy choice.
I can't wait to see you "bound" in the dilemma of:

D is for Discipline v. D is for Domination.

[_ID_]

Some other things to consider during bondage. Many of the people in this lifestyle are rather heafty. Due to that physical attribute, there are things you also must consider there. Understand blood pressure, understand heart rate, understand the need for water during and after (see aftercare of this series). Also remember that if you have the person laying down on their belly, you will need to have some sort of cusion under them to alieve extra pressure under the rib cage. With people of an additional weight, you must be extra careful about circulation to the hands and feet. Keep an eye on skin color. Check the finger nails to ensure blood is still flowing at an acceptable rate. You can do that by pressing the nail, and when the skin under the nail is white, remove pressure from the fingernail, and see how long it takes for the color to return, should be 2-3 seconds, no longer than 7.

With mental bondage, there is a preperation phase. You will need to say things in advance to help put the person in the head space of "I must do exactly what (s)he says!" If you don't prepare them to accept your verbal commands, when you do give one. If they are not mentally ready to recieve it, you may very well get scoffed at, or perhaps even rejected.

With both types of bondage there are things to consider during your scene, and after.

I would like to thank maddie for providing us with a very detailed breakdown of what to expect, and how to conduct a scene.

V/R
ID

[RickBulow74]

I always say that the more I read about the lifestyle, the more I want to learn, and nothing can be farther from the truth thnan what I had seen with this Bondage entry.

maddie: Thanks for such an interesting article.

Tojo; Thanks for more links on the subject.

[Warbaby1943]

maddie that was excellent but I think you should have mentioned about using a safe word. It was very well done and very informative.

[suchaminx]

maddie

~hugs~ thanks for all the reaseach you are obviously doing on all of this, as lily says ' I love love love this series'

~hugs and smiles~ minx x

[SheepishJaina]

Love it. Thanks for all of the hard work you've put into this!

[cariad]

B is also for Brilliant!

Well done maddie and adding another thank you to the chorus which is rising up around you.

cariad

[Aussiegirl1]

A great read maddie, and very practical too.

I must say I did forget half of what I had just read when I got to Tojo talking about whispering evil things in your ear! *sigh* Can't wait to see what he says.

[maddie]

Warbaby: Now how could I have missed something as important as safe words? Thank you for pointing it out.

ID: Excellent ideas. Messing with circulation can be very dangerous.

Tojo: Thank you for those links! I've not seen any of them and they look quite interesting.

And thanks to all of you for your comments. I do enjoy doing the research for these little articles and if they're of any use at all to someone here, then it's worth it.

[RickBulow74]

maddie, I know they are very conducive to me, as I am new and could use all the help I can get.

[learningtopleez]

To be tied up & at the mercy of someone who can (& usually does) whisper evil things in your ear, tease you & more, is a truly wonderful experience.

*purrs*

Damn that's just freakin' hot Tojo! And so very true!

maddie, thanks for all the knowledge! This was an excelllent idea, and it's great to see that you are making sure that others can learn and be safe!

[ropenhighheels]

Bondage is a MUST for me at all times!! The thing that does it for me is the fact that I'm completely restrained with rope which was tied to me by a woman and that it's inescapable due to how good she was with the rope! One doesn't normally think a woman could be that good with rope. That's usually something that someone would think a guy did more times then not. If a woman can put me in that situation then of course she should use me for however long she wants and do to me whatever she wants(respecting hard limits of course) and leave me like that till she's ready to use me again(even if that means overnight or a full day or two)! If she's that good with her rope bondage on me then obviously I won't be going anywhere! That's a VERY good thing of course!!!! This is something I'm sure "LTP" on here will end up being very good with!! Right beautiful???

[sport989]

I recently did my first bondage scene with a young black bodybuilder as my submissive. I read lots about other people's ideas, but it really seemed to come naturally. I used fairly good leather ankle and wrist restraints, and had about five anchors fixed to the ceiling and walls. I fixed my sub to these in a variety of positions with bolt snaps.
We started with forced exercise. He was loosely chained to the walls at the ankles and forced to alternatively do pushups and running on the spot. he worked up a great sweat, and it was wonderful to enjoy his body. Then we proceeded with a light gut punching session--like hitting cement!
Then I connected his hands behind his back (still in ankle irons), and did some butt play, and oiled him up.
My favorite position was spread eagled--again a great chance to oil him up and orally service him. We did some more work with him chained to the bed, but I want to perfect orgasm denial for next time. The next time we'll continue the exercise, but with goals. For example if he can't do a certain number of push ups in a certain legnth of time, he'll be forced to run on the spot holding increasingly heavy weights. I also want to wrestle him with his wrists chained to his ankles too. I'd be grateful of any other ideas you people might have!

[elliemay]

Thankyou so much for posting this, I found it fascinating and will be showing it to my Master along with the links.

[isabeau6]

I suck with knots, but that's why they really invented handcuffs.

Good article, again.

handcuffs can hurt...

i've always been fascinated by the idea of bondage..to give up utter control to another..to lie there helplessly, looking up at the person standing or towering above you..wow...i can think of no better turn on...to lie there spread wide...vulnerable...open...hardly able to squirm at all...his fingers teasing over your sensitive body...damn that is always my fantasy..that and add a gag and/or a blindfold..and a perfect picture..

nice article...

isabeau6

[Sir_Russell]

There are other forms beside rope. How about leather cuffs and chains a favorite of mine she gets to feel the coldness and hardness of chains on her body and realize she hasn't the the strength to tear them apart or the skill to undo a padlock. Then there is stocks both the fixed ones and the one that are really spreader bars with cuffs for ankles, wrists, etc.

I love the heavy fixed ones that also padlock down. Nothing is hotter then knowing she can't do anything to ease that pain in her legs, back, neck etc. except find subspace, while I enjoy that helpless body.

Then there is the wonderful gadgets and funiture that can be used.

[SubmissiveChef]

I have always like the idea of being bound. I have been bound for sex a few times and enjoyed it very much. The idea of being bound and at the mercy of a woman turns me on too much. The fact that she can use me for her pleasure is a great thought. Will use the tips given if I ever get the chance to be bound again... Thanks

[dillinja]

I recently did my first bondage scene with a young black bodybuilder as my submissive. I read lots about other people's ideas, but it really seemed to come naturally. I used fairly good leather ankle and wrist restraints, and had about five anchors fixed to the ceiling and walls. I fixed my sub to these in a variety of positions with bolt snaps.
We started with forced exercise. He was loosely chained to the walls at the ankles and forced to alternatively do pushups and running on the spot. he worked up a great sweat, and it was wonderful to enjoy his body. Then we proceeded with a light gut punching session--like hitting cement!
Then I connected his hands behind his back (still in ankle irons), and did some butt play, and oiled him up.
My favorite position was spread eagled--again a great chance to oil him up and orally service him. We did some more work with him chained to the bed, but I want to perfect orgasm denial for next time. The next time we'll continue the exercise, but with goals. For example if he can't do a certain number of push ups in a certain legnth of time, he'll be forced to run on the spot holding increasingly heavy weights. I also want to wrestle him with his wrists chained to his ankles too. I'd be grateful of any other ideas you people might have!

do a search for bootcamp drills. Then have him go through them why you are yelling at him and humiliating him. If he doesnt finish the drills as you feel fit, mental and physical punishments. Do that then once you have really broken him down tie him to the bed and impliment your will. I do this with girls so its a little easier to wear them out