What am I ?

[Phanes]

Hi,

I'm new to this and all of this. My latest girlfriend had experience in BDSM and being a slave/sub, and I wanted to do certain things with her and explore. Yet it never happened because at some point she said to me that she thought she didn't 'need' that when 'properly loved'. I took that as not wanting it anymore, so it never happened.

What I do know about myself is that I am dominant by nature. And I like and am curious about BDSM, but without inflicting certain 'real' pain (so for example no whipping, but yes to nippleclamps or twisting them). I am also interested in the bondage/restraining part of it. The 'rough' part of it. And the 'being in control', being able to do what I want with a partner.

This doesn't have to be all the time or everytime. But I think I need to incorporate it into my life, to have the most fullfilling life.

Am I in the right place here, and where do I go from here?

[slinkygirl]

Hello,
I am new here also and have found the forums to be very helpful. In the short time I have been here I have learned many new things that I like and dislike. I also have made some nice new friends. Look around, read and enjoy! Good luck to You!

[cookiecat]

you're in the right place if you take the time to look around. there are a ton of great threads - some are a little older since this forum hasn't been super active for a while.

you can decide whether or not you want to simply be kinky in the bedroom and have some rough, bdsm-oriented sex or if you want to incorporate bdsm in to your day to day relationship.

what's the difference??

one is about how you have sex and then going about the rest of your relationship as you do now. you can learn a ton of stuff -- i googled "how do i tie someone up" and some good resources popped right up! Here are a couple links i found here in the library:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...is-for-Bondage

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...lves-kinkiness

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...l=1#post906571

i even found info on you tube: http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...be.8G_hqUW_aaU

the other is about establishing your Dominance and her submission to you through every day stuff. for example, maybe you tell her what panties to wear to work (or no panties), maybe you tell her to text you 3 times a day at specific times.... little things that establish your control over her and keep her thinking of you.

if you have questions, keep asking!

hope you have fun.

cookie

[Phanes]

Thank you for replying.

Well, what I've actually come to think about is that in hindsight, and given her background, my ex might very well had taken the submissive role on her throughout the entire relationship. But as what I now understand is a service sub. She did everything for me, to please me. I had nothing to wish for. I didn't even get time to wish anything, bedroom or otherwise. I never asked for it or even considered the why.... That daily control was there too I think. That just happened because of how I am I guess....

So I guess I want to explore about that a bit more, and indeed figure out if something like that is possible again, and a bit 'more'....

[Phanes]

Well, I sort of have written down what I want out of a relationship. It at least involves 'non-vanilla' stuff. Lots of it, IMO. Now I have to figure out what to do with it....

[Kuve {Sett}]

As most experienced players will tell you there is no single "correct" way to do BDSM, what is right is what's right for the specific individuals involved. There are plenty of very knowledgeable people who frequent the chat here and if you have questions they're quite willing to answer them and discuss the various options available to you, there are also some excellent non-fiction book out which can help you better understand both the scene itself and how to find what will work best both for you and for any partner with whom you may become involved. Best of luck to you with your search and welcome to the wide, weird, and wonderful world of kink.

[Phanes]

What I'm interested in right now is: Where do I find someone ?

I'm from Europe. I'm not very social. I don't know my way around 'the scene' and I'm not really interested in girls from my own country (not a racial thing, just an attitude thing).
I'm not looking for a playdate, I'm looking for a relationship. But I want to be sure someone has at least the same interests (so not vanilla). I'm kinda 'straight to the point, don't waste my time'. I usually don't really date either, my relationships develop online mostly up to a point where we meet.

This place seems close to dead. Are there any sites to 'meet' people, make your desires known and see if you can find someone ? LDR is fine with me to start with.
(and please no fetlife, it looks like a mess)

[macmini706]

Thank you very much