Jealousy

[ksst]

I just watched a Nature show on mustangs. A crippled foal was born, and when it couldn't keep up with the band they started to abandon it. Another herd moved in, and many showed solicitous interest in the baby, until the stallion got there. He took one sniff and then violently killed the baby. Both his own herd and the original herd tried to fight him off but it was no use. It was hard to watch. It's the same thing lions do if a male comes upon cubs that are not his own.
This has a lot to do with jealousy. It's a way of ensuring more resources for his own babies by getting rid of someone elses.

Not that we need to act in horrible ways like animals sometimes do, because we hopefully have more control of ourselves and understand right and wrong, but I think our feelings are rooted in the fact that we are animals.

I have a question about non jealousy, in a situation when jealousy might be appropriate or expected. Where does that come from? I'm thinking of times when various things have happened when another person might have been extremely jealous, and I'm just not. At all. If anything, I was amused. So, what does that mean?

[thir]

I just watched a Nature show on mustangs. A crippled foal was born, and when it couldn't keep up with the band they started to abandon it. Another herd moved in, and many showed solicitous interest in the baby, until the stallion got there. He took one sniff and then violently killed the baby. Both his own herd and the original herd tried to fight him off but it was no use. It was hard to watch. It's the same thing lions do if a male comes upon cubs that are not his own.
This has a lot to do with jealousy. It's a way of ensuring more resources for his own babies by getting rid of someone elses.

I do not know enough about animals to know if they can be jealous in the human sense of that word. But the situations we were taking about concerns humans killing their own children, not someone elses'.
Re denuseri: I cannot know how things go in your area, but in other parts of US, in DK, and here in UK there are indeed examples of parents killing their children along with a spouse who wanted to leave. In fact, we had one tragic example right in our own street where we live, and this is actually a quite calm and peaceful neighbour hood normally.

I personally think that acceptance of jealousy violence is absolutely wrong - murder is murder, whether or not it involves adults or children, or both. I would guess that we all have at least one area where we think murder is justified - maybe revenge, racism, gays, infedelity, people who harm helpless others, or whatever. But the law is no killing, and to prevent everything from becoming hopeless, we must, as I see it, condemn murder - always.

Not that we need to act in horrible ways like animals sometimes do, because we hopefully have more control of ourselves and understand right and wrong, but I think our feelings are rooted in the fact that we are animals.

I think so too, we may think that this or other reaction comes from animal life, but does it? And if it does, does that make it ok?
Killing is, to me, about seeing other people as your possession. But we do not own each other, at least not normally. And, in cases where there is an ownership and M/s relationship, does that mean that it is ok for the Master to kill an unfaithful slave?

I have a question about non jealousy, in a situation when jealousy might be appropriate or expected. Where does that come from? I'm thinking of times when various things have happened when another person might have been extremely jealous, and I'm just not. At all. If anything, I was amused. So, what does that mean?

I do not think that jealousy is ever apppropriate, as such, any more than there are situations where you aught to be happy, or angry, or sad, or whatever. But as for not being jealousy when many others might be, be happy that you are not - you escaped a very painful feeling!
As for what it means - probably that you are a very whole and balanced human being.

[thir]

I just watched a Nature show on mustangs. A crippled foal was born, and when it couldn't keep up with the band they started to abandon it. Another herd moved in, and many showed solicitous interest in the baby, until the stallion got there. He took one sniff and then violently killed the baby. Both his own herd and the original herd tried to fight him off but it was no use. It was hard to watch. It's the same thing lions do if a male comes upon cubs that are not his own.
This has a lot to do with jealousy. It's a way of ensuring more resources for his own babies by getting rid of someone elses.

I do not know enough about animals to know if they can be jealous in the human sense of that word. But the situations we were taking about concerns humans killing their own children, not someone elses'.
Re denuseri: I cannot know how things go in your area, but in other parts of US, in DK, and here in UK there are indeed examples of parents killing their children along with a spouse who wanted to leave. In fact, we had one tragic example right in our own street where we live, and this is actually a quite calm and peaceful neighbour hood normally.

I personally think that acceptance of jealousy violence is absolutely wrong - murder is murder, whether or not it involves adults or children, or both. I would guess that we all have at least one area where we think murder is justified - maybe revenge, racism, gays, infedelity, people who harm helpless others, or whatever. But the law is no killing, and to prevent everything from becoming hopeless, we must, as I see it, condemn murder - always.

Not that we need to act in horrible ways like animals sometimes do, because we hopefully have more control of ourselves and understand right and wrong, but I think our feelings are rooted in the fact that we are animals.

I think so too, we may think that this or other reaction comes from animal life, but does it? And if it does, does that make it ok?
Killing is, to me, about seeing other people as your possession. But we do not own each other, at least not normally. And, in cases where there is an ownership and M/s relationship, does that mean that it is ok for the Master to kill an unfaithful slave?

I have a question about non jealousy, in a situation when jealousy might be appropriate or expected. Where does that come from? I'm thinking of times when various things have happened when another person might have been extremely jealous, and I'm just not. At all. If anything, I was amused. So, what does that mean?

I do not think that jealousy is ever apppropriate, as such, any more than there are situations where you aught to be happy, or angry, or sad, or whatever. But as for not being jealousy when many others might be, be happy that you are not - you escaped a very painful feeling!
As for what it means - probably that you are a very whole and balanced human being.

[thir]

sorry - I repeated my own post.

[thir]

I think it would be useful to discuss jealousy in more general terms. Here are cuts from an article:


UNMASKING THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER:

By Kathy Labriola, Counselor/Nurse

"Despite how enlightened we think we are, most of us experience jealousy if our spouse or lover has a sexual relationship with someone else."

"We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion, but actually it is a whole bundle of feelings that tend to get lumped together. Jealousy can manifest as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, agitation, sadness, paranoia, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling inadequate, feeling excluded. It often helps to identify what is the exact mix of feelings you experience when you feel jealous. What is the primary emotion you feel when you are jealous? Demystifying the exact components of your jealousy can be a giant step towards getting a grip on things and resolving the problem. Is it always the same for you or does the mix change from time to time depending on circumstances? "

"It is crucial to understand what jealousy is and what it is about. Jealousy is about fear--fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability."

"For every jealous feeling there is an emotion behind the jealousy that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Behind jealousy there is an unmet need or a deep fear that our needs will not be met. Recognizing those fears and unmet needs is the key to unmasking jealousy and taking away its power. Jealousy is just the finger pointing at the fears and needs we are afraid to face. When jealousy kicks in, it is the ancient reptilian part of our brain going into a "fight or flight" response because we feel that our very survival is threatened. When you feel jealous, ask yourself, "What is it that I am really afraid of? What do I need to make this situation safe for me?" "What is the worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to happen?"

http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/P.../jealousy.html

[thir]

"We're not encouraged to even consider that we can focus on overcoming jealousy, and the only control we have is over our partner's actions. As a result, by taking away the triggers, we never get the opportunity to explore our inner insecurities and experience the wonderful growth that it can provide."

http://www.serolynne.com/poly_jealousy.htm