Love vs. Love

[damyanti]

I usually get castigated on these threads, but whatever...that never stopped me before.

I’m a love atheist. I don’t believe love is real. I think it’s instinct and social calculation that makes people bond with each other. There is no mystical or supernatural love, there is no "the one"...its brainwashing. Love is real as much as Valentine's Day is a real Holliday, . Only the processes of the brain, that produces the "feeling of love" is scientific.

Once the "hormonal crazines" wears off, at best, what you are left is caring for another person. Love only goes so far- many people 'love' one another for personal gain, such as the relief of loneliness or boredom, or an increase in status, popularity, etc. The number one reason people stay married is Money.

I have the same emotions as other people but I don’t kid myself into thinking that Love is a real emotion. We all care about well being of people close to us, but it doesnt mean there is any real love. Because Love doesnt exist.

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. It is not a single feeling but an emotion built from two or more feelings. And it is not permanent.

Once we have couple of feelings of affection and possibly passion we get an urge to say the words in order to bind the other person with us. Why? Codependence.

Children can't truly love their parents, children are naturally very selfish. They don't become aware of other people's needs until they are older. A baby cries because it wants something, a toddler throws fits because it wants something, and requires someone to fulfill its needs. It grows fond of the parent because it fulfills its needs. "Romantic" bond is no different, we grow fond of the person who fulfills our needs.

One of my favourite sayings is, "Its a good thing they had placed Love into books, because that is the only place where its possible."

[DowntownAmber]

I’m a love atheist. I don’t believe love is real. I think it’s instinct and social calculation that makes people bond with each other.

What's not real about that? Regardless of where you think emotions do or do not come from, and I do agree that love is borne of science so complex most of us will never fully understand it, it is still very much real. Maybe is not a rainbows-dribbling-gumdrops-over-a-field-of-heart-shaped-posies kinda' fairytale, but a feeling is still a damn tangible noun in my book.

To me, love is a response to the the strongest values we hold - where those values come from is a whole 'nother post, but love is that which we desire that reflects us the most deeply, whether or not what we desire is a "good" or a "bad" thing.

I love J because the traits I see in him I respect and often aspire to, I recognize the beauty of characteristics in him that I hold dear. In turn, he "sees" me, and he adores in me the things I am proud of and wish most to share. We understand each other at a level that is deeper than most friendship based relationships, and it is important for each of us to both be known and understood as a partner. We each have emotional eyes that can discern the particular colors of the other, and hands that can feel the texture of the other with heightened sensitivity.

Borne of science? Sure, but who says science can't evolve a soul? Why does an emotion have to be lesser than a beautiful and amazing bit of humanity because it is an evolutionary product? Yeah, love litters the pages of books, but all the pages of books came from within the heads of men, and that to me makes it even more real.

[ffion]

...I don’t believe love is real. ...I have the same emotions as other people but I don’t kid myself into thinking that Love is a real emotion. ...Love doesnt exist.

so do you believe other emotions are real? how about sadness, happiness, loneliness...?

[damyanti]

so do you believe other emotions are real? how about sadness, happiness, loneliness...?

Please read my whole posts. I already answered that, made it clear, more than once.

Though you do hit on the spot...is Love really an emotion. We all pretty much have the same and rather clear definition of what sadness, happiness and loneliness feels like and what they are. But "Love" is not a (singular) emotion its a conglomeration of other emotions.

[orchidsoul]

This sure has turned out to be a provocative question indeed.

I deeply believe in love. And there's few things greater than loving deeply.

For me, love isn't even necessarily one of the three options. It's also a word I've used very infrequently when in a romantic relationship because of it's strength and meaning.

To me, love is a feeling, an emotion that of course is scientific. Our bodies and minds generally are, particularly when dealing with chemical reactions that cause emotion. It's also near impossible to fully convey love in words, but i'll do my best. It's when my heart feels filled with happiness because of him; when I want nothing more than to be physically in his arms; when I accept his flaws; when a simple entrance into the room causes me to smile; when I can't imagine my daily routine without him being involved; when there's emotion overwhelming enough to make me cry after sex; when I would rather be pained than have him feel pain; when I would sacrifice for him; when I see a future with him; when my heart feels lonely if he's away; when I'm inspired by him; when I want to excel because of his support; when lust, adoration, appreciation, respect, and care combine; and there's so much more. These are the signs I know I'm in love... and yes, it's the sort of honeymoon phase, if you will, that doesn't necessarily occur daily for the next 50 yrs, rather builds a foundation of strength allowing it to last for the next 50 years.

And if said love doesn't work out, I'll know it was love because my heart feels physically destructed and pained afterwards. It feels impossible to pick up the pieces and move on. And it takes a good long while to have room in my heart again.

Love is when my life alters because of a person. Whether it's including, or learning to not include any longer.

I also believe just because one love might be greater than the other, it does not diminish that love was involved. For instance, my first love at 17 was quite a different kind of love than my love at 26, but it was love none the less. My love for my family and friends is obviously different than for a romantic relationship. Nor do I believe that love always lasts forever, and sometimes it has nothing to do with desire to make it last, rather timing in life. I also don't believe that love conquers all... in my heart, I feel like it should, but the reality is it's not always enough.

I disagre with:

"If people do stay together after that it is out of habit, because its convenient, because its monetary sound policy, because they have been together for a long time and their lives are too entwined. Because they are afraid to be alone. And in lucky cases there is still affection."

My parents are very much in Love- there's a heck of a lot more than just affection. They are afraid to be alone because they can't imagine their lives without the other and not because it's habit, or convenient, or too entwined...rather because each of them wants the other in their lives, flaws included. Because their hearts would break in half if the other wasn't around. Because their evening conversation would be empty. Because their bed would be empty. Because their heart has grown with love deeper than they even knew possible I'm sure, as the years have passed on. Because their best friend, lover, spouse, co-parent would no longer be sharing the life they built together FOR eachother. And yes, I think what they have is quite special.

Though you do hit on the spot...is Love really an emotion. We all pretty much have the same and rather clear definition of what sadness, happiness and loneliness feels like and what they are. But "Love" is not a (singular) emotion its a conglomeration of other emotions.

We don't all have the same definition of any emotion, because we all feel them differently. Love, generally for most people, does encompass more emotions, but for someone battling depression sadness is far from clear and defined. In fact, it's quite a conglomeration of many emotions. All of our experiences in life, good and bad, are going to contribute to how we all individually react to various emotions.

I apologize for the diatribe... in short, I do believe greatly in love whether it's an emotion, feeling, scientific reaction, or a fantasy. Bring it on!

Long live love!