i humbly ask for advice from Someone...

[Sanapet]

Are you just looking for a switch's perspective or would you like some hints from the dominant perspective?

Either way, a little about what kind of interaction he wants would help. Chastisement? Humiliaton? Ordered to perform for you sexually?

What about you? Do you have any kinds of fantasy that involves having servants, employees, students, or any kind of supervisorial position? Ever want to be a ruler? Have a genie or a super power?

I'm sure we can paint a role play for you that you can get into without having to be angry with him first.

Any perspective would be helpful I'm sure, and when I asked him what he wanted he just told me to do what I like when he was dominating me. That would include humiliation, (play) abuse mental and physical, breath play, forced obedience, objectification... and... well, I like ass play, but I'm very nervous about going there on him and he said if I was really not okay with doing something to him then I didn't have to do it, right now he insist on name-calling and being forced to perform sexually.

-blushes and looks down- Roleplay is what we have to resort to usually, I find it hard to get mad at him as well. We've done various scene, but my favorite so far has been... -blushes- him as a nude model and me as a very... aggressive photographer and unannounced model just starting my career. It's.. it's the one we're currently involved in.

I don't exactly think about fantasies with myself as the dominant but very.... I'm not sure what the words is... classy I guess, dommes with guys, arouse me. I don't like the thought of really.. intense females doming unwilling males, I like the... gentler dommes I guess, not meaning I don't like when thier strict with their boys.. I just.. I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm sorry.

First, not everybody can switch back and forth at the whim of just one of the partners. Not even switches.

I would think that you need to ask yourself if this is something you can and want to do. Remember that we can only give what we have in us to give.

Admittedly it is not always easy to find out, as to many people starting to dom means getting over a hurdle. But still, if you feel you cannot, or cannot neccesarily when he happens to wants to, or only can online, then I think you need to tell him.

How did it feel to do it online? Was that ok?
I'd say doing on the phone is a hard way to start.

If you want to do this, then I agree that you need to sit and talk about it, and let him explain in much greater detail what he is into - what he wants. Then you can see if you think it is something you can and want to do.

Do by all means present his answers here, I am sure we can give you some inspiration :-)

Finally, are you doing this because you are afraid of loosing him again? A powerful motive - but it doesn't work that way. If you want to, fine. If not, you cannot give it, but he will likely be ok with having you as sub.

I.. I don't know if I can, but I do want to.. I'm okay with the idea and I want to please him, I've been able to do alot of stuff I thought I'd never do for him and wound up enjoying it.

I agree, getting over the hurdle is the hard part, I'm always so... well, submissive around him except when I do manage to get in the mood and top him and do a.. well, I like to think a decent job and then he doesn't remind me of my place right after in some little way, calling me one of the many names or, doing some other little thing then I'm messed up for days, and I need a really good slap in the face (metaphorically) to get back to being comfortable in my own skin.

As for what he wants... we haven't exactly sat down and discussed it, but at the beginning when I'm having a hard time I'll ask him to give me some things to get me started. One of the first things he always says is 'call me names', I'm.. okay with that part, I can work my way up to the bigger stuff sometimes by just starting out calling him things like... -gulps and blushes staring at the floor- like 'my dirty little whore' and 'cunt hungry slut' among other things. But other then that he just tells me to do what I like when he's topping me.

I.. I don't know.. I think I may have originally agreed to try because I was afraid of loosing him but I'm not doing now because of that, I just really want to do this for him. And... even though I'm ashamed to admit it, sometimes it.. sometimes I really like it. once I get in the mood i actually enjoy it, I just have a really hard time making the switch

Not everyone is a switch and most switches can't turn from Dom to sub like one flicks a light switch. Changing mindsets can be very difficult and having to be provoked into Dominating is not a good thing. A good Dominant doesn't scene when they are impaired by strong emotions or drugs or alcohol. It is too easy to go too far.

Try and plan on times when you will be the Dominant partner--scheduling might give you a chance to come to the right mindset without getting angry first. Also, negotiate a scene (what does he want to experience--humiliation, cock torture, denial, etc) and write up a script beforehand. That might make it less real to you but it might be easier than trying to do something that is not organic to you.

Good luck to you both.

I know that I can't go back an forth at will, I just want to understand a little better how to make the change at all. Just role playing makes it easier most times, having a setting that I'm in and knowing that I need to go in the dominate direction. The only time that I ask him to provoke me is when he wants to do a scene raw, as he calls it, just me and him, no roleplay, no characters, nothing but my emotions and his. But even when angry I'm very non-confrontational, I try to avoid making rash decisions when I'm mad and think. I do this when he pushes me into topping him too, not intentionally, it's just how I deal with anger.

I will definitely bring up planning the basics of a scene before hand, knowing what he wants me to do to him would help a lot, I don't know if I could do a script though, I would have to be very into the scene because I can't act at all, I can improve and empathize with how a scene would feel but I can't act.. I know strange. But I might still try it, it could be very helpful.

I hope that explains things a little better and I will ask him to explain things more fully, thank you all for your help so far, you've given me some wonderful advice.