Is it a sign of weakness ?

[thir]

Is it a sign of weakness to ask another Dom/sub for advice on how to be a good Dom/sub? or is it just not done?

No, it is called shared experience. Or I see it.

Subs do it a lot more, though, perhaps from this idea that a Dom must be born perfect. An idea that both some subs and some Doms seem to have. A great shame, as it can get in the way of growth.

[A DELF]

I appreciate the comments. I just want to make sure that I dont end up looking like some of those asses ~we have all seen them~ out there.

[JimmyJump]

I appreciate the comments. I just want to make sure that I dont end up looking like some of those asses ~we have all seen them~ out there.

I fear you would look like "one of those asses" pretty soon when NOT asking questions.

You should ask questions. Anywhere, anytime, to anyone. Even and especially to your partner.

Asking questions is a sign of intelligence, it shows that you are eager to learn, to become more experienced. It's not a sign of weakness, but one of strength.

Of strength because it shows you're not afraid to take responsabilities to a higher level through the knowledge of who, what, why, how and when...


JJ

[A DELF]

I fear you would look like "one of those asses" pretty soon when NOT asking questions.

You should ask questions. Anywhere, anytime, to anyone. Even and especially to your partner.

Asking questions is a sign of intelligence, it shows that you are eager to learn, to become more experienced. It's not a sign of weakness, but one of strength.

Of strength because it shows you're not afraid to take responsabilities to a higher level through the knowledge of who, what, why, how and when...


JJ

Thank you for your advice, I have been to many sites that the people their were just intolerable. It is nice to finally found a place that welcomes someone. Questions and all

[nighttimestar]

I fear you would look like "one of those asses" pretty soon when NOT asking questions.

Asking questions is a sign of intelligence, it shows that you are eager to learn, to become more experienced. It's not a sign of weakness, but one of strength.

Of strength because it shows you're not afraid to take responsabilities to a higher level through the knowledge of who, what, why, how and when...


JJ

I agree with 99.95% of what you say except the eager to learn....I think it
allows you hear others thoughts, and ideas of others, thus helps you create your own ideas.

[JimmyJump]

I agree with 99.95% of what you say except the eager to learn....I think it
allows you hear others thoughts, and ideas of others, thus helps you create your own ideas.

The learning process almost all of the time consists of absorbing information, sorting out what's 'relevant' and/or 'irrelevant' and use what's left to form your own idea/concept/way of life...

The result of knitting together all that 'relevant' information and using it, is called experience


JJ

[FirstBorn]

I have not asked much in my 15 years of BDSM. At first beacuse i didnt really have anyone to ask. Later on because i didnt respect anyone i could ask.

I could well be just a hardhead and generally lack respect for people. But what i met back then was all ego's and BS to me. So maybe theres two sides to that story.

What i did intstead was study the hard way, novels, articles and so on. But deep down i am a loner and i dont take words on right and wrong to heart really. Telling me right or wrong back in the day just ment i had to try the contrary.

Im finally asking a little theese days, when i come across people who can assert themselves without making it a pissing match. Probably by now i got most philosophy and tecnique sorted in my head, but clearly i got more to learn. I doubt id have the same respect for my craft if i had learned it all off some mentor or teacher.

But i would definately have learned more than my years suggest. Quite likely if i had been on a site like this back then id have a different perspective. But i didnt meet people like the ones i found here back then.

Only signs of weakness i know of is pretending to be all that and claiming to know it all.

Since asking questions aint on the list well get on with it. I know i will.

[JimmyJump]

No, it is called shared experience. Or I see it.

Subs do it a lot more, though, perhaps from this idea that a Dom must be born perfect. An idea that both some subs and some Doms seem to have. A great shame, as it can get in the way of growth.

Wise words, thir.

Although I'd like to add that some Doms have put that burden of perfectness unto themselves by being too pre-occupied with being The Almighty, instead of taking care of the needs of their sub. Because, in my humble view, true dominance comes forth out of the dilligence and minute attentiveness the Dom has for his/her sub ...


JJ

[Euryleia]

A bigger sign of weakness is not asking for advice or assistance from those with greater experience. Not only are you doing yourself a dis-service but you could harm your submissive if you attempt some things without proper training--blood play, rope work, fire are the biggest examples but there are plenty of other things that you won't learn from a book or porn site.

Post questions that you might have or search the forums to see if the question has been asked before. If you need a mentor, look around forums like these and see which Dominants/Tops give responses that you respect.

[Ozme52]

A bigger sign of weakness is not asking for advice or assistance from those with greater experience. Not only are you doing yourself a dis-service but you could harm your submissive if you attempt some things without proper training--blood play, rope work, fire are the biggest examples but there are plenty of other things that you won't learn from a book or porn site.

Post questions that you might have or search the forums to see if the question has been asked before. If you need a mentor, look around forums like these and see which Dominants/Tops give responses that you respect.

Yes, look around a bit. Asking questions that have been asked and answered hundreds of times will get you little in the way of good responses. Asking for clarification though will make it clear you bothered to do some advance work and will earn you points (so to speak) amongst the community.

Look around a bit. Look at the variety of styles so you can pick the advice of those you like best. Everything you hear won't necessarily work together.

Good advice E.