Protecting your reputation

[leo9]

Remember Elliot Spitzer? Multi millionaire, governor of New York, till his propensity for prostitutes was exposed. You might be able to get away with a one to one relationship if you trust the other person, but public BDSM events and public service don't go together.

Alternatively, and more recently (though in Britain), remember Max Mosley. Boss of Formula One Racing, guest of Prime Ministers, controling sponsorship deals worth ooh-LOTS. News of the World ran a splash about him hiring a bunch of pro Dommes and subs for an afternoon's role-playing: presumably they assumed that, as usual, he'd be too scared to fight back.

He wasn't. He took them to court for invasion of privacy, denied nothing, simply said it was none of their business. And the court agreed and fined them a packet: and even more encouragingly, the Formula One owners agreed and kept him in his job. And for the most part, the British public agreed too.

Things have changed, are changing; it's not the Twentieth Century any more. By the time you're in Congress (can't fault your confidence), being exposed as a BDSMer will probably be a big so-what. When I was your age, being outed as gay would be the end of anyone's career. Now it's on their CV.

In short, relax. You're bending yourself out of shape for something that will probably never happen, but if it does, probably won't matter.

[blythe spirit]

Things have changed, are changing; it's not the Twentieth Century any more. By the time you're in Congress (can't fault your confidence), being exposed as a BDSMer will probably be a big so-what. When I was your age, being outed as gay would be the end of anyone's career. Now it's on their CV.

In short, relax. You're bending yourself out of shape for something that will probably never happen, but if it does, probably won't matter.

Amen to that!

[leah06]

Things have changed, are changing; it's not the Twentieth Century any more. By the time you're in Congress (can't fault your confidence), being exposed as a BDSMer will probably be a big so-what. When I was your age, being outed as gay would be the end of anyone's career. Now it's on their CV.

In short, relax. You're bending yourself out of shape for something that will probably never happen, but if it does, probably won't matter.

Bambina, I totally agree with the people who tell you to be very, very careful. I hope that we will get to a time where people's private business is seen as irrelevant to their job performance, but I think we are getting further from that, not closer. I also disagree with some of the posts on here that seem to be telling you to get over yourself. You are completely right that there are some professions that invite scrutiny and some that don't seem to, although as we read about all the time, people in less high-profile jobs often find their private activities coming back to bite them in the butt anyway.

The one thing I want to add to the discussion is gender, and to an extent, race. The examples cited of public people with some kinks who were not destroyed by their revelation were white men. I very much question whether a woman in our society could salvage a political career if she dismissed previous bdsm experience as youthful exploration. Do you think Hilary Clinton could have? What if she'd had the young intern going down on her in her office? What if she'd merely had oral sex outside of her marriage? Female sexuality is very threatening to many people and I don't see that changing soon. As to race, you don't need me to mention that people of color might be held to different standards.

My advice? Be afraid, be very afraid. Does that mean to deny an integral part of yourself? No, but you'll need to tread a fine line.

[guest010609]

Rachel06, I'm not sure if who's posts you were refering to in this statement:

I also disagree with some of the posts on here that seem to be telling you to get over yourself.

Just in case mine was being grouped in with those though, I just wanted to point out that I am not saying that it isn't something reasonable to fear, merely that I don't choose to care, and it is irrelevent to our decision making. If I lose a job, it doesn't matter to me, because my career is not of great significance to me...I'll just find another. With regard to family and friends, again, we just choose not to care what they think about what we do. Certainly though, everyone's priorities are different. Additionally, I am speaking from within the context of a 13 year, married M/s relationship. What is applicable to my situation may not be a person in a different one.