Old School what is it to you?

[damyanti]

Let me break it down in vanilla speak:

Say you were to meet a new neighbor, and hit it off with them. You talk a few times over the fence, as you both seem to spend time in the backyard. You become friends, but have never seen their spouse as s/he tends to be at work and rarely in the yard. You know where the spouse works, however, so one day you drop in and say, "hi, I'm Amber. I've chatted a few times with your hubby over the fence and wanted to introduce myself. He's a really swell guy."

I'm missing how this is so shady?

/B][/SIZE]

I still think that if you befriend someone and you progress to the point where its natural to meet their significant other, it would be more normal to organize introduction by inviting or meeting them (as a couple) for coffee, dinner...

No, it would not be shady and I am sure you are a very nice person...but if a person I have never met before, showed up at my place of work to tell me that they enjoyed chatting with my boyfriend, I would find it weird and a bit frightening.

[DowntownAmber]

I still think that if you befriend someone and you progress to the point where its natural to meet their significant other, it would be more normal to organize introduction by inviting or meeting them (as a couple) for coffee, dinner...

No, it would not be shady and I am sure you are a very nice person...but if a person I have never met before, showed up at my place of work to tell me that they enjoyed chatting with my boyfriend, I would find it weird and a bit frightening.

Oh of course if coffee or lunch can be organized and you want all of you to be friends, sure. To me, a group meeting like that does imply that there is a desire (and possibly a bit of pressure) for all three of you to be friends. A quick note or a hello simply says, "I'm here, this is who I am," and then everyone can decide if they want to progress to "group buddies." When online, meeting as a couple tends to be a bit harder as well, so I still think a note of hello is a very nice gesture.

And please please please don't take this the wrong way, it is not meant as a jab or an insult (I'm simply not sure how to word this any onther way), but you're way more paranoid about people saying hello to you than I am I guess. J always takes the time to tell me about who he's met in the course of his day, who he's going to lunch or coffee or whatever with, so I never worry about being out of the loop. I still do appreciate, however, when these gals take time to acknowledge me. My "weird" alarm tends to start beeping when I feel ignored or avoided.

[J-Go]

I’d like to thank everyone for contributing to this post with a special thanks to damyanti for taking the opposing viewpoint (opposition makes for a much more interesting thread). Before everyone jumps over to the Feminism and BDSM thread I would like to clear a couple of issues. First off the thread is “Old School, What is it to you?” with 37 posts I’m the only one who had described what old school” means to me…so I would really like to here from some other folks who consider themselves “Old School”…what’s it mean to you?

The thread did turn into a good debate on disclosure so to that issue I wish to clarify my stand. Again let me restate my viewpoint is that of a Dom in a D/s relationship with a female partner. I think it important to be clear as to the why of my position. We are on a BDSM site that deals with sexual issues, a site like this is going to consist of some people looking for sex related relationships either online or in real life. Now I don’t know about the rest of the world but around here if you go to a car lot to look at cars you can expect someone is going to try to sell you a car. Just makes sense to me, if on a BDSM site you can expect someone at sometime is going to try to “sell” a relationship of some sort . It is from that stand point and that understanding that I take the stand of keeping a known partner in the loop. In MY definition of “Old School” I am honor bound to keep a subs Dom in the loop of any friendship that has built. Fairly simple and straight forward to me, and if I have learned nothing in my life simple and straight forward keeps me out of sticky situations. I have made several introductions via PM and have never had a negative response from a Dom.

But that’s “Old School” to ME, so damyanti should we develop a friendship, and I hope we do, I can guarantee two things 1) My sub will know and 2) if you have a Dom, I’ll be introducing myself.

[damyanti]

I’d like to thank everyone for contributing to this post with a special thanks to damyanti for taking the opposing viewpoint (opposition makes for a much more interesting thread). Before everyone jumps over to the Feminism and BDSM thread I would like to clear a couple of issues. First off the thread is “Old School, What is it to you?” with 37 posts I’m the only one who had described what old school” means to me…so I would really like to here from some other folks who consider themselves “Old School”…what’s it mean to you?

The thread did turn into a good debate on disclosure so to that issue I wish to clarify my stand. Again let me restate my viewpoint is that of a Dom in a D/s relationship with a female partner. I think it important to be clear as to the why of my position. We are on a BDSM site that deals with sexual issues, a site like this is going to consist of some people looking for sex related relationships either online or in real life. Now I don’t know about the rest of the world but around here if you go to a car lot to look at cars you can expect someone is going to try to sell you a car. Just makes sense to me, if on a BDSM site you can expect someone at sometime is going to try to “sell” a relationship of some sort . It is from that stand point and that understanding that I take the stand of keeping a known partner in the loop. In MY definition of “Old School” I am honor bound to keep a subs Dom in the loop of any friendship that has built. Fairly simple and straight forward to me, and if I have learned nothing in my life simple and straight forward keeps me out of sticky situations. I have made several introductions via PM and have never had a negative response from a Dom.

But that’s “Old School” to ME, so damyanti should we develop a friendship, and I hope we do, I can guarantee two things 1) My sub will know and 2) if you have a Dom, I’ll be introducing myself.

I wasnt taking the opposing view and I appologise if thats how it came across, because I admire your "old school view" a lot and I wish more people would subscribe to it. We just seem to have a differing view on who should be doing the introduction to whom.

[~faerie~]

i believe my Master (Master Rabbit) answered your question. He may not have been wordy with his response, but he did share his views. just an fyi
Respectfully,
Shy

[J-Go]

i believe my Master (Master Rabbit) answered your question. He may not have been wordy with his response, but he did share his views. just an fyi
Respectfully,
Shy

Indeed he did...thank you for the correction!

[icey]

*holds hands up* ok guilty!but i did try and answer it a bit lol.
old school generally refers indeed as blythe says mainly to the leather boys although not always.
old school was much more about ettiquette, protocol and whilst all the emblems,ssc,rack do this dont do that limits and more often than not safewords were occasionally applied more often than not they were scorned upon it just wasnt expected on either Dom/me or sub side, this was just before ''old shool'' actually became old school lol. discipline played a much stronger part than it does now and in a totally different way, discipline more in the original sense of the term..not just a spanking (that sometimes turns into a bit of kinky fun) a stern look or a bit of a lecture it was real discipline of a kind that you avoided at all costs! kind of victorian in a way.

dress in anywhere related was usually a must not an option,and at home, it wasnt really considered a fetish or a bit of fun or roleplay it genuinely was a way of life ..hence the turn of phrase lifestyle, yep you can all jump on the bandwagon and exclaim how we ''live the lifestyle'' and to a degree you'd be right but the way we live and view the lifestyle would simply have been loosely based roleplay to the majority of the genuine oldschoolers..as i said in my first post we would mostly be considered a disgrace!
i used to go to a few bars and clubs in a specific area and made quite a few friends and acquaintences who never ever once actually told me what they were/did (other than one and thats a different story lol) although i didnt realise it at the time there were many D/s couples both straight and gay who most people thought were weird (i was fascinated and loved it lol) and they were and behaved what they were without any selfconciousness or care what anyone else thought, and it was natural simply a party of who and what they are they didnt stop and think about it or need to ''discuss everything'' the kind of things that we would consider exhibitionism and get a kick out of and feel brave etc they didnt...it wasnt contrived it was who and what they were and what they believed in..nothing to do with being gentlemanly etc im not saying they wernt or that they were it was just them.
i cant really explain it you would have to have been there and im sure some here were although at the same time im sure that the majority of ''old schoolers'' wouldnt deem bdsm sites worth their time.