domina asks subs - your self-esteem?

[slave_juice]

hey Tigress...

ive read your post and completely identify with you dilema from a slave's perspective... im relatively new in the lifestyle... fortunately, i do have a healthy self esteem and i am self confident... however, when my owner used to humiliate me, it was really hard for me, i couldnt help experiencing him as hostile... i knew that he cared about me deeply but at the time of the humiliation it almost felt like he hated me... and i was concerned that excessive humiliation would eventually challenge my self esteem...

anyway, my owner took this very seriously... he never wanted me to experience hostility... before and/or after each humiliating thing that he did to me he helped recondition my mind to think that my worthlessness is precious to him and he cares... it was very dichotomous for me at first, but now i serve him fully without experiencing him to be hostile in any way... just caring, concerned and sweet... even when im suffering or humiliated... (sometimes when he introduces new things or stretches new limits, i regress back to experiencing it as hostile, but he works with me each time, patiently, till i can accept his will and feel healthy about it)

it used to make me feel bad that he was putting work in before and after... like i was being hight maintainance and unslavely... he kept on reasuring me that that was his job as my owner and he enjoyed his job... he said that if things are hard for me and we work them out and then i accept his will, that is not high maintainance... he says that high maintainance is when subs are passive agressive, they say that theyre okay with things but then theyre really angry or upset... his understanding that things can be hard and his willingness to help me without making me feel high maintainance, really helps me feel secure in accepting humiliation, pain and serving him beyond anyway that i ever thought possible for me... he can literally get me to do anything for him... without me "breaking" or becoming less whole as a person...

The Tigress, good luck... if you want to discuss this further, feel free to contact me... perhaps you want to discuss it with my master... he might be happy to help...

slave-juice

[Anne4humiliation]

I have no dom right now, so I can only answer the question from memory, but perhaps hindsight is clearer here anyway.

While my dom could be very demeaning in talking to me (which is the way I enjoy domination) and was extremely critical of my performance, he did not hesitate to show his pleasure. Not necessarily in so many words, but once you know a dominant well enough to accept him as your Master, you should be well-versed reading his body language and his reactions to your service. So sometimes while he was criticizing me, his body showed how much he was enjoying me. And that is what made me proud. Sometimes it really worked in a contradictory way. The more I managed t pleasure and arouse him, the harder, the more critical, the more demeaning verbally he became. So that I knew that when he got really hard on me, that was when I had really served him well.
Let me add that he was extremely helpful and uplifting about anything not connected with my service of him e.g. my performance at university or at my chosen sport.

Yours

Anne

[jeanne]

it used to make me feel bad that he was putting work in before and after... like i was being hight maintainance and unslavely... he kept on reasuring me that that was his job as my owner and he enjoyed his job... he said that if things are hard for me and we work them out and then i accept his will, that is not high maintainance... he says that high maintainance is when subs are passive agressive, they say that theyre okay with things but then theyre really angry or upset... his understanding that things can be hard and his willingness to help me without making me feel high maintainance, really helps me feel secure in accepting humiliation, pain and serving him beyond anyway that i ever thought possible for me... he can literally get me to do anything for him... without me "breaking" or becoming less whole as a person...

I really needed to read this today - thanks, juice!