i need to learn a lesson

[annie]

I would agree that Oz's suggestion is probably the best way to go. Although I will also state that Oz is more enlightened then the "average" man, in my opinion, so whereas subtle would work there, it may be lost on many others. Sometimes direct is best but it needs to be tempered just right. I have a feeling though, that you won't get a punishment task, at least this time around, even with an apology. Keep in mind, it is a growing/learning process and as I have discussed with others in the past, patience grasshopper... patience.

I understand how frustrating it can be when you feel you deserve or "want" something but 2 things to remember...

1) this isn't about you, it's about your service to him and what your relationship is built on. He may have noticed you were a bit short or whatever but may also have caulked it up to your having a rough day, him being tired, or a mirade of other reasons trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, since as you said this is new to both of you still.

2) be VERY careful what you ask for, or it may be more then you can handle. It may be frustrating that he didn't take instant control but think of it in reverse (seems to be my major way of thinking anymore... lol). What if he were doing exactly the opposite to prove his control over you and taking each tiny infraction that he feels happened, even if you didn't intend it that way, and punished you harshly for it to "train" you. Having been there done that it was not pleasant and in a short period of time actually made me start to rethink the entire D/s relationship. He was rushing at that point, not me, but it ultimately had a negative effect as well.

So... bottom line, listen to Oz... apologize and leave the next step up to him. If, after a couple of times of it happening though and him not picking up on the situation I would say mention it to him. DO NOT bring it up to him when you are apologizing or anything else though. Do it when you are both just talking or sharing your feelings about the direction of the relationship, in a none heated confrontational environment, something very relaxed, and at that point state it simply as "I wonder sometimes why you don't punish me when I do xyz?" If the honest communication is there you will find your answer for the future.

[newby]

2) be VERY careful what you ask for, or it may be more then you can handle. It may be frustrating that he didn't take instant control but think of it in reverse (seems to be my major way of thinking anymore... lol). What if he were doing exactly the opposite to prove his control over you and taking each tiny infraction that he feels happened, even if you didn't intend it that way, and punished you harshly for it to "train" you. Having been there done that it was not pleasant and in a short period of time actually made me start to rethink the entire D/s relationship. He was rushing at that point, not me, but it ultimately had a negative effect as well.

That is very true. He has voiced His concerns about taking the D/s relationship outside the bedroom & His being afraid He will abuse the control. Thank you both for your wise words.

[GearJammer]

I would agree that Oz's suggestion is probably the best way to go. Although I will also state that Oz is more enlightened then the "average" man, in my opinion, so whereas subtle would work there, it may be lost on many others. Sometimes direct is best but it needs to be tempered just right. I have a feeling though, that you won't get a punishment task, at least this time around, even with an apology. Keep in mind, it is a growing/learning process and as I have discussed with others in the past, patience grasshopper... patience.

I understand how frustrating it can be when you feel you deserve or "want" something but 2 things to remember...

1) this isn't about you, it's about your service to him and what your relationship is built on. He may have noticed you were a bit short or whatever but may also have caulked it up to your having a rough day, him being tired, or a mirade of other reasons trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, since as you said this is new to both of you still.

2) be VERY careful what you ask for, or it may be more then you can handle. It may be frustrating that he didn't take instant control but think of it in reverse (seems to be my major way of thinking anymore... lol). What if he were doing exactly the opposite to prove his control over you and taking each tiny infraction that he feels happened, even if you didn't intend it that way, and punished you harshly for it to "train" you. Having been there done that it was not pleasant and in a short period of time actually made me start to rethink the entire D/s relationship. He was rushing at that point, not me, but it ultimately had a negative effect as well.

So... bottom line, listen to Oz... apologize and leave the next step up to him. If, after a couple of times of it happening though and him not picking up on the situation I would say mention it to him. DO NOT bring it up to him when you are apologizing or anything else though. Do it when you are both just talking or sharing your feelings about the direction of the relationship, in a none heated confrontational environment, something very relaxed, and at that point state it simply as "I wonder sometimes why you don't punish me when I do xyz?" If the honest communication is there you will find your answer for the future.

Annie's wisdom, once again, and this one an older note (as message boards go). Well said, young lady. Anyone who reviews these threads for answers to questions already asked would do well to heed your advice.

Oh, and note the double effect of Annie's advice.... First, you will be working on finding the answer to your questions and/or helping your Dom revise and adapt his outlook, and Second, you will be able to identify what the quality of your line of communication is (see the "if" in her last sentence? a wise "if" that).

[Tojo]

My suggestion would be to just quietly apologise for misbehaving & leave the rest up to him.

In my experience, subbys are usually bursting with enthusiasm to be controlled more, & can often use a little patience.

He's in charge after all.....