faking it

[Ozme52]

*grins hugely at Ozme* You can be so sweet.

Same thing accounts for the position 69. I used to totally hate it, because I can EITHER concentrate on the guy, OR on myself. Not both.

That's why I prefer 68. You eat me and I'll owe you 1.

Damn, now I´m horny. And hubby is on a business trip. *grumbles*

Then how about a little 77? Just like 69 but you get 8 more...

[sweetlittleone]

Don't worry, i don't cum very easily, and i'll be honest...i honestly only came completely from another person doing the work twice..ever. Any other time it was because I helped, and was doin most of the work because they really really wanted me to cum (and i felt bad because THEY felt bad because they didnt think they could...it's just my body >_<). So yes, I'll be honest, I have faked it a couple times, even when with my Master. I remember he wanted to watch me play with myself and I played for like 20 minutes, and I just wasn't getting there. Normally i can get myself off quite easily, but it just wasn't working for me, and yes i did fake it. Vanilla i've always had a hard time cumming, and i know in terms of the lifestyle, i get SO much wetter and more turned on...but i still struggle to cum. I fear the day Master will demand that I cum within a time period or on demand and I fail to do so.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Ooooo the best 69 is with him on top with his cock down my throat...so I can asphyxiate myself.....omg....it's the only way I can cum in that position. Before the safety police give me a ticket, we don't do bondage with this. My hands are free to give him the signal that I need air NOW, which is to tap on his thighs.

[icey]

my body unfortunately ...and it can be unfortunate if your Dom decides on cum denial! responds very quickly lol and i have in the past cum even when ive been bored stiff just going through the motions with vanillas and barely even felt anything..i also did when i was raped (which is a bit difficult to admit to) and NO i did not enjoy even one second of that!!
so nope ive never had to fake it lol and my body does ''betray'' me however its simply a bodily function and was not connected to any pleasure at those times..it's just body fluid.

[Pearlgem]

I'm finding this thread rather reassuring. Sure, we all get extra excited in our liaisons - why we choose to BDSM over vanilla - but what I'm seeing from the replies so far is something obvious, I suppose, but true. Just as all BDSM relationships are uniquely forged between the partners involved, women's individual sexual physiology doesn't necessarily transform from zero to hero just because they're living their kink. Of course, it can do with a bit of practice and know how, but I do find it reassuring to read about real-life sexual experiences that actually sound realistic and not screamingly orgasmic every time. But then sex is not all about sex anyway, is it? Sexual excitement comes from many stimulants and the best are mental which of course is what BDSM excels at.

Anyway, anyone care to share their sure-fire aids to self-orgasm?

Well-written stories on here always put me in the mood.
I cannot do without my nipple clamps.
An anal plug if I want to treat myself.
Imagining myself splayed for my Master and him watching and directing me.
Can you spoil it for fingers with too much vibrating?

[leah06]

Who's to say that your soul will fade at all,
The one you sold to fool the world?
You lost your self-esteem along the way. . . .
Fake it, when you're out of direction,
Fake it, if you don't belong,
Fake it, if you feel like affection -
Whoa, you're such a fucking hypocrite.

- Seether (lyrics found on internet which agree w/ how I have always heard them; others exist)

NOT a comment on other people - how I always felt when I faked it, and pretty much the reasons I faked too. I stopped faking when I learned to give my partner the one-and-only key to my orgasm.

[fetishdj]

Heard that, been there, fixed it. Several times.

Again... something about the voice I guess.

Yep, me too and not even due to the voice (because I rarely speak when having sex, no idea why I just can't).

Personally I think there needs to be lessons in schools about this. Everyone would be so much happier if more men a) cared enough to try or b) knew what to do effectively. The caring bit is impossible to fix unless you are very patient (though holding his orgasm ransom may help in some cases... men often can't do anything after they have cum and so it is counterproductive to let him cum first so learn to tease and draw him out for as long as possible). However, for technique I think women can do a lot to teach - depending on your man. You really need to hint strongly when what he is doing is right or wrong because even an experienced man (like me and Oz) may not know the right places to press and how hard or fast to really let you get off. Those who care will try and may eventually get there but those who won't will just keep doing the same things that do not work.

And the hints have to be strong. No subtlety here as men do not get subtle hints at the best of times and when the brain is hardwired into the penis subtle hints may as well be you making random white noise.

Long periods of foreplay are essential (no penetration until she has cum at least once) and you can do a lot with vibrators - get him to use one on you or get him to watch while you use it on yourself for a little while (it is both erotic for him and educational as he can see what you do). You can do the same with your fingers. BTW, you can also use vibes on him as well - on the penis and in and around the anus (though makes sure you clean it after the latter, certainly before it goes anywhere near your vagina - maybe have two vibes, one each - or use it anally last).

Just a few things based on my experiences...

[fellintobed]

I faked once or twice and it always left me feeling miserable. I finally started recognizing when I just wasn't going to cum, and now I freely admit it - "hey, I'm not going to cum, but we can keep having sex if you want to". It's up to my partner to decide how he feels about a solo orgasm. Willingly giving my body for someone to use for his pleasure is slutty and submissive. I've found both reality and enjoyment in a sex life that includes the occasional night of honesty and no orgasms.

[lucy]

Willingly giving my body for someone to use for his pleasure is slutty and submissive.

I thought it's love, but i go with slutty and submissive too.

[fetishdj]

The two can often be easily confused...

[lucy]

Hihihi, yeah. As long as it feels right i couldn't care less what it is or what others call it

[blythe spirit]

Personally I think there needs to be lessons in schools about this. Everyone would be so much happier if more men a) cared enough to try or b) knew what to do effectively. The caring bit is impossible to fix unless you are very patient (though holding his orgasm ransom may help in some cases... men often can't do anything after they have cum and so it is counterproductive to let him cum first so learn to tease and draw him out for as long as possible). However, for technique I think women can do a lot to teach - depending on your man. You really need to hint strongly when what he is doing is right or wrong because even an experienced man (like me and Oz) may not know the right places to press and how hard or fast to really let you get off. Those who care will try and may eventually get there but those who won't will just keep doing the same things that do not work.

Long periods of foreplay are essential (no penetration until she has cum at least once) and you can do a lot with vibrators - get him to use one on you or get him to watch while you use it on yourself for a little while (it is both erotic for him and educational as he can see what you do). You can do the same with your fingers. BTW, you can also use vibes on him as well - on the penis and in and around the anus (though makes sure you clean it after the latter, certainly before it goes anywhere near your vagina - maybe have two vibes, one each - or use it anally last).

Just a few things based on my experiences...

To start with, I have heard that college educated men can hold an erection longer than blue collor workers. Don't know if that's true; however, what good is an erection if the woman isn't into it?

From your paragraph on "foreplay" I'm assuming that you mean all the kissing and fondling and all that other crap that men do. Yuck! I might rather have that be afterplay. lol

To reiterate, and I think this applies to a some other women, my major sex organ is between my ears and if a man can't stimulate that, then he might as well go home and leave me to my always orgasmic masturbation. I can have an orgasm without even touching myself, because I masturbate my mind. I just don't think a lot of men get that!

[fetishdj]

By my definition, foreplay and afterplay are anything that occurs before or after penetration. That includes talking in the restaurant beforehand...

Seriously, I am mainly referring to oral and manual stimulation of the genitals because the longer you do this prior to penetration the better (and more likely) any orgasm will be. This is, of course, a purely physiological response to the issue as I feel others (Oz, in particular) have covered the mental stimulation rather well aready and it is true that the mind is the best sexual organ. However, in my experience, assuming she is already aroused in the mind, good technique in foreplay combined with good communication can make a massive difference to a woman who is finding it difficult to actually achieve orgasm.

Out of interest, how many women here have actually ejaculated? Not just orgasmed but actually released an ejaculate? I mention this because many women seem to think that they have achieved final orgasm when really they haven't because they have not actually ejaculated. Don't worry if you never have - apparently it is difficult to achieve and most women find that they do not need to in order to be satisfied - I am just looking for a quick poll of who has and under what circumstances.

[icey]

To start with, I have heard that college educated men can hold an erection longer than blue collor workers. Don't know if that's true;

i never heard that before lol although i have to say that the guys ive known who were at uni or college did used to last longer!
and IH who is the only partner ive ever had that went to uni holds it way longer than anyone ive ever known before! i usually tell him thats cos of his age though but that doesnt always go down too well but maybe it's actually cos they're too busy concentrating on their next thesis or whatever they're called lol

and im with you blythe on the sloppy kissing fondling foreplay and the rubbing the clit thing like its some kind of contest, urrgh i cant stand it, it makes my skin crawl and makes me want to scream but i like to scream in a good way!

[fellintobed]

Out of interest, how many women here have actually ejaculated? Not just orgasmed but actually released an ejaculate? I mention this because many women seem to think that they have achieved final orgasm when really they haven't because they have not actually ejaculated. Don't worry if you never have - apparently it is difficult to achieve and most women find that they do not need to in order to be satisfied - I am just looking for a quick poll of who has and under what circumstances.

I'm a bit confused by this - it's perfectly possible for women to orgasm without ejaculating (by which I assume you're referring to the squirting associated with g-spot orgasms?).

I squirt quite readily when my g-spot is sufficiently stimulated. I can also orgasm under any number of other circumstances, including when no genital stimulation is involved at all.

To say that women have not "truly orgasmed" unless they squirt is doing a disservice to all women. Men's bodies and women's bodies work in different ways - with all due respect, please don't conflate them.

[Ozme52]

Heh heh.... Conflate. I love a hefty vocabulary.



BTW... I agree. And I'd trade ejaculation for an honest to god multiple orgasm faster than you can say OMFG!!! (Never much interested in kids of my own anyway.)

[jeanne]

BTW... I agree. And I'd trade ejaculation for an honest to god multiple orgasm faster than you can say OMFG!!! (Never much interested in kids of my own anyway.)

Oh this made me laugh! Thanks!

[angela_shy]

heard of squirting but didn't realise how/why/what... interested to try now

i feel i need maybe 75% psychology, 25% stimulation.

i heard someone say once that for men it's the 20 minutes of talk/seduction etc, before, that count for psych stimulation, whereas for women it was all about the preceding 24 hours. i'd kind of go with that... in "vanilla" relationships. Somehow i think for BDSM relationships the men are more like women in that respect...

one boyfriend (haven't had many!) wasn't really doing anything but going through the motions to please himself... i never came once. not once. in a 6-month plus relationship. and i was too shy to mention it...

my next boyfriend... i admitted to him during sex that i never come, and he smiled with a twinkle in the eye and said "that's going to change" - scared the pants off me LOL.

And it did change. He works hard to ensure i come, but we have to be careful because it becomes like a mission and hard work which is counter-erotic. all physical stimulation. it's hard to come like that.

i think we're both learning right now (rather than me (the inexperienced one) doing all the learning...). what i've discovered so far is playing games really helps...

[gypsiecowboy]

in vanilla relationships I have often faked having an orgasm... and the women never knew it. of course that could only happen when I was inside them and not in their mouths either.

I got to be very good at helping non-orgasmic women reach the big O, using My fingers and My lips/teeth/tongue. Eventually I reached a place where I can help them cum with words, even words online or on paper... not always and not with all females of course, but often and with many. there is no question that females' most important sexual hotspot is the brain. similarly, or so I have been told by numerous females, they do not get turned on by photographs or movies the way We do.

but I learned that even My vanilla partners were turned on by bdsm movies of quality and by Me reading good raunchy fiction out loud to them while they blew on my horn. which is how and why I brought My roughlove proclivities home with Me in the first place.

but I am hard to bring to orgasm, I have great staying power - something I taught Myself very young, along with how to give really good sensual massages (before I studied therapeutic massage which is often the exact opposite) and I love getting and giving good head for absolutely longer and longer times... hours sometimes...

and (dont take this as a challenge) I never knew a woman who did not cum when I gave them head unless they stopped Me because they didnt want to reach orgasm. but I have known a woman who hated long-lasting foreplay and after 13 years of love decided she could not deal with how long it would take me to cum! she had turned into a bang em and leave em... and got scared of her sub tendencies and long love-making hard or soft...

which is why we divorced I think, in the simplification realm.

now she lives with a man a it older than half my age and I betcha he cums pretty quickly so her tmj jaw doesnt have to get overworked any more.

GypsieCowboy

[Pearlgem]

Wow, lots of good tips to think about here. I enjoy viewing porn but I don't really get turned on looking at studs. I like to see women in all sorts of precarious/submissive situations because I identify with them and it stimulates my erotic imagination far more. I wonder if many heterosexual women are the same. I suppose that's why I love dirty stories most of all - words that creep into my mind and start insinuating themselves in there do it for me.
Seems like there's lots of men out there with some really great techniques and know how. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sort of Exchange and Mart set up!

[BDMjane]

i have faked it so many times in a vanilla setting. I have a problem with cumming period, its never happened, i get close but just never happenes. So i have faked it so many times in a vainlla setting its not even flippin funny. Did they notice, nope. Did they ask if i came? Yes. Did i lie? Of course. No one wants to hear 'no i didnt cum' that to me would feel like a slap in the face.

I have never had a real life Master before, so i couldnt fake it with them. Would i want to? No, that would bring on punishement i am sure of that. It would be, and should be something my Master and i can work through, together (getting me to cum).

Is it right to lie to someone about that kinda stuff, either vanilla or bdsm? I think that its more accepted in the vanilla world becuase some guys just dont care, they are in and out and dont give a damn about what the girl wants and or whatnot. Maybe i just havent been in the best sexually relationships, but i'd lie in a heartbeat if it was vanilla, i would never want to hurt someones feelings like that. BDSM, that would bring on punishment that i dont think ill willing to handle, plus trust and honesty will get you a lot further then being dishonest. That goes for both settings; vanilla and or bdsm, but immore likely not to lie to my Master, since after all he is my Master.

I can't agree more. I have such the same things like you.

[cookiecat]

Wow, lots of good tips to think about here. I enjoy viewing porn but I don't really get turned on looking at studs. I like to see women in all sorts of precarious/submissive situations because I identify with them and it stimulates my erotic imagination far more. I wonder if many heterosexual women are the same. I suppose that's why I love dirty stories most of all - words that creep into my mind and start insinuating themselves in there do it for me.
Seems like there's lots of men out there with some really great techniques and know how. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sort of Exchange and Mart set up!

this is exactly me. i don't get turned on by watching videos (well, not always). when i'm alone & need to take care of me it's pictures of women in distress - stories that get my brain running faster... and when i'm with him, his words alone can be foreplay. or blindfolded, the noises i hear.

i hate to admit Oz is right but he mentioned he's usually pitching to a woman's mind. and isn't that the truth? mess with my head, please.

wait. i'm way off topic and suddenly getting myself all worked up! now that's a good thread.

at this stage in the game, if i can't cum, i just say it. that's usually all wrapped up in my head too. sometimes, there are words for that, too.

[Veralynne]

Faking it, faking it, faking it. I think that very very very many women do, far more than will admit. I personally, did it all the time-in vanilla and non-vanilla sex. I firmly believe a man wants to make you cum so he'll be disappointed if you don't. Let's say in an instance you know it is just not going to happen. You're just not in the mood, or it's just not working, or whatever. Many people have been there- I know. What do you do? You know he knows how to get you off sometimes- so there's no point trying to "teach" him anything. Honestly, in such circumstances, I believe ignorance is bliss. Men can never tell- spare everyone's feelings. Really- there are times when I am very sexually satisfied even if I didn't cum. I still enjoyed the sex, etc. Or perhaps there is a time when I do not feel like having sex AT ALL- but did it just to please my partner. In that case- the mental aspect is not there for me so it's not going to happen, however I don't want to make my partner feel shitty so... yeah.

I am a big believer in honesty in relationships- but in terms of lies, I think this is a situation where it's more kind and helpful sometimes.

With that being said... recently I've been being good with my Master and honest about my... reactions :-P But, that might be because for Him I want to be a very good good girl :-)

[Ozme52]

i hate to admit Oz is right but he mentioned he's usually pitching to a woman's mind. and isn't that the truth? mess with my head, please.

Hate?

lmao but I know you really love it.

[sinderella]

Have you ever faked it, perhaps for the usual vanilla reasons - to reward effort, to please him, to bring to a conclusion something you know's not quite going to work? Is this a terrible BDSM crime or something that happens more than we care to admit?

NEVER. a secure man does not get upset when you don't climax. i was with my then Master for hours and He came seven times and i didn't cum once...i think i was climaxing in my mind over the nipple clamping, bondage, etc... i got in this mode that i was there to be used for His pleasure, i guess, and didn't cum, although i had other times, a couple of times just kissing him with cloverleaf clamps on, and i have no trouble climaxing...anyway He was not upset at all, although He did play with me to try to make me cum. i think He would have been upset if i had faked it. i wouldn't do that to any man because i feel it is dishonest and disrespectful. that is just my opinion.