Long term relationship then realizing you are submissive

[isabeau6]

i've been married for a long long time..and discovered i was a submissive two years ago..how does my husband view this? he scoffs at it..makes fun of it..makes fun of me..and of course calls the whole thing perverted, sick, disgusting, illegal..need i continue? not to get into too personal info, since i'm rather known for being far too open (see other forums i belong to) let's just say i get my sexual satisfaction from my imagination and online things..would i leave my husband over this? only and i repeat only if i found that perfect Dom/Master who would love and cherish me and that i would fall in love with also...i'm easily fooled, thought i had found that in my last Master, not the one who has disappeared but the one before that..the one i met in person..i give my heart too freely online and usually get it back in pieces...i should be satisfied with what i have and not yearn for that which i only can dream about now...i so long and crave to serve and obey a deserving Dom, but it won't be my husband...he wouldn't want that and i can in all honesty say i cannot see myself ever serving or kneeling to him...we have known each other far too long to suddenly become that way...

did any of this make sense? i have a submissive heart and soul...i need to serve..without a Master or Dom, i feel an emptiness..

isabeau

[jeanne]

isabeau - it completely makes sense. I know I'm very blessed that my husband is willing to travel this path with me. What would I do if he decided "well, that's enough of that"? I don't know. I guess I would have an even more active fantasy life than I do now. I hope I never have to find out. Truthfully, his willingness to listen to me and try this out surprised me. We've had a couple of hiccups along the way, but are learning how to communicate openly and honestly, so even those have been learning, growing experiences for us. I guess my only concern at this point is that he may not want to go as far with all of this as I might, but we are moving very slowly, which as I understand will help us keep from "freaking ourselves out". In the meantime, I'm learning more and more about what my submissive/masochist leanings mean to my life on a daily basis, and he is growing his "Dom energy" - letting himself enjoy dominance and delivering pain and getting past his social programming. Because, truly, he's just a really nice, laid back guy with an open mind. I love him so much more today than I ever have before.

Keep the faith, isabeau. You know who you are - be smart, giving, open and thoughtful in your search. I wish you all the best and am sending my most ardent wishes and prayers that you find the fulfillment you seek.

[isabeau6]

isabeau - it completely makes sense. I know I'm very blessed that my husband is willing to travel this path with me. What would I do if he decided "well, that's enough of that"? I don't know. I guess I would have an even more active fantasy life than I do now. I hope I never have to find out. Truthfully, his willingness to listen to me and try this out surprised me. We've had a couple of hiccups along the way, but are learning how to communicate openly and honestly, so even those have been learning, growing experiences for us. I guess my only concern at this point is that he may not want to go as far with all of this as I might, but we are moving very slowly, which as I understand will help us keep from "freaking ourselves out". In the meantime, I'm learning more and more about what my submissive/masochist leanings mean to my life on a daily basis, and he is growing his "Dom energy" - letting himself enjoy dominance and delivering pain and getting past his social programming. Because, truly, he's just a really nice, laid back guy with an open mind. I love him so much more today than I ever have before.

Keep the faith, isabeau. You know who you are - be smart, giving, open and thoughtful in your search. I wish you all the best and am sending my most ardent wishes and prayers that you find the fulfillment you seek.

thank you hon...and that is soo sweet...i love my husband..he is like my best friend and companion...but he is very narrow minded..i can't change that about him..he grew up Catholic...believes masturbation is a sin...said i was doomed for doing it..sighs..

i'm truly glad for you..it's not often you can have that in your relationship..and i appreciate the wishes and prayers.. xoxo

isabeau6

[cadence]

I thought that I would bump this thread, with an update, and maybe some others can share thier own stories.
My update is not warm and fuzzy, it's basically filled with frustration more than anything.
When I wrote my first post, I had a little bit of hope; but with no real network of support, it is hard to work things out on your own.
There still is no real communication between us; only the fact that I am allowed to express myself more openly online with others.
Not entirely what I wanted but, I am grateful that I am not being completely suppressed at the moment.

At the time I wrote my first post here, I had started to have more problems crop up with my family, work, and my own never ending internal conflicts.
I ended up withdrawing from things even more so, and moving into a state of just existing to exist again. Never wanting to try and make progress with things or communicate with anyone openly.

So my relationship with my boyfriend never moved forward, and became stagnant even more than before. Without being able to communicate things properly or to be able to express myself and have him understand, I can't see anything viable happening between us.
I have begun to resent him and myself in general, and sometimes I wish he would leave, so I wouldn't have to make choices.

As for online, that is even more frustrating, I didn't want an online relationship, but I did want to find someone who would appreciate my submissive side.
I revisited that a short time ago, but of course, it didn't work out very well. I didn't want to be emotionally attached to a Dominant, but did want to experience being submissive.
I don't even know if what I am trying to obtain is even possible.
I stumbled upon what I wanted and made the effort to try, but this Dominant had other submissives, and I was always left out and not good enough or important enough I suppose to even be owned. That left my self esteem in a bad place.
Although I still talk to this Dominant, I don't think that he understands that what I wanted, is different than what he had offered. I still think though that I was just not good enough.

I sometimes hope that things will change at home, but I don't know if they ever will.
I am an online failure, and can only read and learn things. I don't think that I will ever be good enough to share anything with anyone anyway.

I still hold out a little bit of hope, that maybe things will move forward in a positive direction.
It's very hard to let go of something that is a part of your being, when you discover just how much it can complete you.

[tessa]

I am an online failure, and can only read and learn things. I don't think that I will ever be good enough to share anything with anyone anyway.

You not wishing to explore this in the online way is not failing. It's not my way either, and I refuse to see that as some failing on my part. Because it's not!

You are NOT a failure...at anything! And you are good enough. You just haven't found your mate yet. That's all.

I still hold out a little bit of hope, that maybe things will move forward in a positive direction.
It's very hard to let go of something that is a part of your being, when you discover just how much it can complete you.

Keep hoping! Hold onto that bit of positive. I think you'll find it's impossible to let go of this. Doing so will only cause damage. You can't ignore such an integral part of yourself without losing part of your soul. Just keep hoping. Please try.

[cadence]

I believe that you have the strength to do what needs to be done. You should do it because you are entitled to more than hope; you are worthy of love.

Thanks
I do believe that I have the strength somewhere, it is just difficult to find when things become frustrating and confusing.

[/B]
Keep hoping! Hold onto that bit of positive. I think you'll find it's impossible to let go of this. Doing so will only cause damage. You can't ignore such an integral part of yourself without losing part of your soul. Just keep hoping. Please try.

Thank you to you too, I will keep hoping as I always do.


There are times when I consider myself to have failed only because I see others who seem to be able to ease into online so easily, whereas I seem to make everything that much more complicated.

[jeanne]

I didn't want to be emotionally attached to a Dominant, but did want to experience being submissive.
I don't even know if what I am trying to obtain is even possible.

In my very limited experience - it isn't, beyond a shallow form of submission. And I sense that you want much more than that, cadence.

I am an online failure, and can only read and learn things. I don't think that I will ever be good enough to share anything with anyone anyway.

I completely disagree with this statement. You are so much more than you can believe right now.

I still hold out a little bit of hope, that maybe things will move forward in a positive direction.

Hope is always appropriate. And sometimes, when you least expect it, hope is rewarded.

It's very hard to let go of something that is a part of your being, when you discover just how much it can complete you.

Don't let go of it. Just don't.

There are times when I consider myself to have failed only because I see others who seem to be able to ease into online so easily, whereas I seem to make everything that much more complicated.

Some do, some don't, cadence. You are not the only one who finds the "online only" experience less than you need. I have been told that I am a "hands-on, itf submissive" and it's true. I suspect you may be as well.

Take care of you and keep your chin up,
jeanne