I became interested in BDSM after reading a rather cliché book, I found that there were aspects that intrigued me so I began to seek more information. There was a plethora of information available on the internet and within the book stores. Some of the information I found was interesting, sensual, loving yet frequently conflicting with other sites that gave scary details of abusive relationships, pain and neglect.

Firstly, where did my personae fit into this, Domme, Submissive, Switch...? I deliberated the definitions, after all what was I seeking. My natural inclination is that I am a very strong minded woman, of this I was assured. To be submissive did not feel as though this was part of me, something that would be alien almost. Yet Domme did not feel as this was whole of me, a dilemma, yes, very much so. I began to consider the term switch and personally it felt right for me. I feel dominant to some, yet submissive to others. It’s a feeling, not a conscious decision, for me, remember I can only speak personally of myself.

I was fortunate that my Sensei, noticed me, he guided me to accept myself for who I am. I am submissive to him alone. When he takes me to places I could only ever dream of, wonderful exciting places, I go willingly. Initially we conversed/played on line only, then as time evolved it supported the need to explore these delights in real time.

Real time was different, I would be dishonest if I didn’t say I was nervous, but not afeared but with many questions within me. This is where honesty, trust and above all a good level of communication came into its own. He listened to me, he waited, he encouraged and supported me to understand what was happening to my body and to my mind. The pleasure I felt was beyond expectations, the love and care taken reaped its own reward. It took time patience and understanding.

My advice is as others also determine, avoid labels, do feel when it’s right, when it’s safe and consensual to enjoy the sharing of pleasure. One iota of doubt do not explore further. Trust is paramount, when you are bound, ravished, flogged or whatever you wish to enjoy, you need to know your partner is there for you. It really is a journey of discovery, mutual discovery as I also don’t think anyone ever stops learning, we are all different after all.

Be happy, don’t rush, enjoy and overall be safe.

Kind regards Sett.