pangent617's 1st level One Assignment

[pejanon]

This is a good, very well written piece and it is really original, which is hard to do in this field.



The narrative IS overabundant and the precision of expression and over insistence on details sometimes make it somewhat confusing, at least to me. However, that style reflects your character’s personality and gives a special flavor to the story.



I strongly urge you to follow aussiegirl’s advice: Break up the text in many more shorter paragraphs and make the direct, quoted, speech stand out. If you do so, the text will be more readable and some redundancies will become obvious to you too. You also have a few surplus quote marks and other minor mistakes which you can correct when you do it.
A job well done.

I see that you've alread decied to do that. Looking forward to your rewrite.

I agree with Aussiegirl on Level 2 - your will go up to it soon.