Psychology Of Verbal Degradation

[icey]

[Believe it or not, I’ve gotten the most enjoyment out of this using it on a sub who had beaten an eating disorder. I would call her fat and there was no truth to it at all- she was actually just fine. But the memory of her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation. (Yes, this is edge play.) In any case, I’m sure I don’t have to explain how body-type and overall appearance can be a huge identifying feature to most people- and fair game for any sadist.

im not sure id consider this humiliation! it's extremely dangerous! do you know that you can control an eating disorder but you're never actually cured of it?
and to fuck with someones head with it can be extremely damaging! even if she agreed to and enjoyed it, it's re-einforcment no matter how much control she may have over it ..its like giving an alcoholic a glass of champagne because its christmas.
i have an ED and there have been times ive been in control for fairly long periods too but had anyone ever done anything like that to me no matter how aware i was and reassured that it was play only i would have flipped right over the edge! sometimes just because someone gives consent to something it doesnt mean that makes it ''safe''
it's a mental health disorder ie: a serious illness...not just a body issue to be used for a game.
it's ok to say it's a matter of judgement but somethings cant be judged or simplified that easily.

im sorry i dont want to change or spoil your thread but that scares me its more than just edgeplay or a bit of kink and ok it's just my opinion but i really do think anything like that should be stayed well clear of.

[IAmCanadian]

im not sure id consider this humiliation! it's extremely dangerous! do you know that you can control an eating disorder but you're never actually cured of it?
and to fuck with someones head with it can be extremely damaging! even if she agreed to and enjoyed it, it's re-einforcment no matter how much control she may have over it ..its like giving an alcoholic a glass of champagne because its christmas.
i have an ED and there have been times ive been in control for fairly long periods too but had anyone ever done anything like that to me no matter how aware i was and reassured that it was play only i would have flipped right over the edge! sometimes just because someone gives consent to something it doesnt mean that makes it ''safe''
it's a mental health disorder ie: a serious illness...not just a body issue to be used for a game.
it's ok to say it's a matter of judgement but somethings cant be judged or simplified that easily.

im sorry i dont want to change or spoil your thread but that scares me its more than just edgeplay or a bit of kink and ok it's just my opinion but i really do think anything like that should be stayed well clear of.

I probably should have clarified that this particular sub wasn't severely afflicted to the point that it greatly affected her life, or required an intervention, and so on. Occasionally, she would indulge in unhealthy habits in order to stay thin, and confessed this to me- and obviously she felt secure enough to allow body-type humiliation and verbal abuse. At the time this occured, she hadn't lapsed into that sort of behaviour for a number of years. We had a talk about it and agreed that it wouldn't be a problem.

I didn't feel like there was any danger at the time, and I feel like I was accurate in that assessment. The world is replete with cutters, bipolars and depressives of all stripes, but I never feel like there's much risk in verbal abuse simply because it's very important to me that both sides understand the inherent dishonesty in the statements being used. It's really the furthest thing from legitimate criticism.

If I had thought at the time that she was making a mistake in not setting a limit, I would have confronted her about it. But circumstances being what they were, I thought it was ok, because of all the different factors. Just like any form of play- you have to weigh all the information and decide whether to set a limit. In the passage you quote, the wording used is:

"The memory of her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation."

This is very different from:

"Her previous feelings about herself would surface and add authenticity to her degradation."

One maintains the proper perspective, and one does not. And I would never involve myself in the second case- it's irresponsible, destructive, and cruel.

- FS

[delish]

im not sure id consider this humiliation! it's extremely dangerous! do you know that you can control an eating disorder but you're never actually cured of it?
and to fuck with someones head with it can be extremely damaging! even if she agreed to and enjoyed it, it's re-einforcment no matter how much control she may have over it ..its like giving an alcoholic a glass of champagne because its christmas.
i have an ED and there have been times ive been in control for fairly long periods too but had anyone ever done anything like that to me no matter how aware i was and reassured that it was play only i would have flipped right over the edge! sometimes just because someone gives consent to something it doesnt mean that makes it ''safe''
it's a mental health disorder ie: a serious illness...not just a body issue to be used for a game.
it's ok to say it's a matter of judgement but somethings cant be judged or simplified that easily.

im sorry i dont want to change or spoil your thread but that scares me its more than just edgeplay or a bit of kink and ok it's just my opinion but i really do think anything like that should be stayed well clear of.

I am not attacking you, or even saying that I didn't have a similar response when I first read the above passage, but I would like to submit a few things.

1. The scenario in question is comparable to an arthritic submissive man or woman who enjoys rope play. His or her dominant partner has an obligation to both see that the submissive's welfare is accounted for, and fantasies addressed. I imagine that a responsible partner would not dabble in rope play immediately following knee replacement surgery or even a day particularly rough on the joints, but to ignore that need entirely would be yet another defeat in the ongoing struggle arthritis presents. This does no service at all to the submissive partner, except in highlighting his or her weakness.

2. There is nothing more empowering than facing down a perceived weakness. We can agree that eating disorders are mental illnesses, but a great many people suffering from various mental disorders consider them mental weaknesses. An agreement that despite prior problems, this is an issue that needs to (or would simply be exciting to) be faced, coupled with affirmation from the dominant partner that it's not just an exciting thought, but something he or she truly believes the submissive capable of doing- that's downright euphoric.

3. What we do is dangerous. Even the least edgy kink can seem uncomfortably far from safe, in some capacity. By definition, alternative lifestyles/preferences are not conventional, and you can easily find twenty people singing a chorus about how damaging x, y and/or z kinks are to you. But the real truth is that the human condition is dangerous. Is it different if, in a vanilla relationship, a partner comments thoughtlessly on his wife's weight, triggering her into a bulemic state she'll never tell him about? Yes. Can you imagine being in an in-depth submissive relationship without disclosing that information? Or, if you can, is it possible that anyone would find it acceptable and healthy for that disorder to remain hidden from your partner once it reared its head again? The original situation was not a Dom blundering blindly into a minefield, it was a calculated risk. And I have to tell you, that's what therapists get paid $200/hour to do, with less information about their patients, usually.

Nothing works for everyone. We all have different limits. Awareness is important, for both partners. Communication is equally important.