I'm like MacGuffin on this. I didn't have any first experience or sudden realization. Looking back, I realize that after 8-10 years of marriage "vanilla" was no longer enough for me. I had to throw myself into a fantasy realm during sex to achieve orgasm. I secretly wanted my sex to become just a tad "rougher". I learned the hard way that I would be ridiculed if I brought the subject up with my husband so I learned to keep quiet about it. Guess that's one of the major reasons he and I drifted so far apart.

Then, movies and TV became much more explicit. I learned that some of my darker ideas actually had names. I picked up a vocabulary to discuss it with myself, even if nobody else. After that, internet and Amazon happened. It was Katy-Bar-The-Door!! The internet just fed my imagination and I found even more bdsm interests. By then, of course, "I knew." The final straw was when I found erotica/romantica and it just threw me off the cliff. To this day I find myself in an almost crazed frenzy from the spontaneous orgasms that really hot, kinky erotica produces. That's when "I accepted".

Dixie