You 'hit the sub on the bottom' when you said communication is vital.

Without it most relationships are doomed never mind D/s ones!

Just because someone says they have done something for many years doesn't mean they do it well. My father has been driving for over 40 years and it scares the sh*t out of me just getting in the car with him.

I still come up agains situations that are new to me and I am not sure of my competence to carry it through correctly. In these cases I have three options:

1. Discuss it with 's' and tell her my fears. She is an inteligent lady and together we will weigh up the risks of 'having a go'. Sometimes this is possible by adding layers of clothing or protection as we did when we started using a single tail whip.

2. Go and take part in a workshop where you can get hands on experience of the techniques required. There are many Dom/mes who are more than willing to train you both for a small fee. (I took a whole day of training in use of single tail whip for under $150 (£70) )

3. If I can I try all new pieces of equipment out on myself Not always possible but most can be tried with a bit of thought!!

As Tojo so rightly said it's all about having fun. If the funs not there then you have to either put it back or move on.