And I used to be such a nice guy...

[The I]

First of all thanks everyone for your quick and helpful replies. It is indeed nice to know that I'm not the only one with these concerns.

Well I think I am generally similar to yourself in terms of the personality and politics I display to the world at large, but I differ in that I don't see a problem with my Dom proclivities fitting into that. For starters I believe that everyone has a 'dark side' (well I do at least) and that repressing it can just lead to trouble (see my signature) and that D/s play is a safe outlet for that. So yes, I think that an intelligent psychological analysis of an interest in submissive women could well conclude that it stems from a deep seated fear of women or something like that. However, it's vastly healthier to explore these aspects in the safe harbours of a consensual BDSM experience than, to use an extreme example, commit rape. And by exploring such feelings, one can often conquer and become more at home with them: my experience of play is that it is very much about learning to accept yourself for who you are.

Everyone has feelings and 'urges' they feel they shouldn't have. Without exception. But there's no need to beat oneself up about it.

I don't think I've looked at it that way - it may have crossed my mind but I think I've been over focusing on my psychological motivations instead of just accepting that I have these urges and that I have to deal with them as sensibly as possible.

I guess that my worry, apart from accepting that I have darker sides, has been partly that 'perhaps things get worse' by 'living them out', either in fantasy or by practicing BDSM. I have arguably grown a lot more kinky role-playing, fantasizing and browsing sites like this but I can't say I didn't have fantasies of male dominance and so on before that... I realize that perhaps things haven't 'gotten worse' by my becoming more kinky: actually I've rather found several possible ways of 'living out' those darker sides in a way that isn't hurting everyone.

So thanks for that piece of advice, both to you and everyone else who said similar things.

Additionally, in my RL experiences, I have found it in fact to be a genuinely loving, affectionate and respectful experience between two people who want to explore those dark and hidden and nasty aspects of their personality. There is something about the shared broaching of taboo that brings partners intimately together.

Actually I've experienced that as well - both by watching websites like 'The Story of O' and with a submissive that I've been playing with online for a while - and agree that this is perhaps one of the most beautiful parts of being kinky. Quite a contrast to the hateful misogynic relationship that I fear actually.

This is what I think your real worry is about. You seem to be skirting the issue that you are attracted to powerful women. Do you think that is damning? I don't.

I'm afraid I must not have been very clear. I'm not particularly attracted to 'strong women'... Re-reading what you quoted I can easily see why you'd get that impression though.

What I meant with it was not as direct though: I'm not particularly interested in dominating strong women (though I think I'd be worried about having a very 'weak' submissive). What I meant was that my fear is that because of some subconscious animosity towards women in power lead me to sexually wanting a partner I can control completely…