How?

[fetishdj]

I don't see it as any different to a vanilla relationship save that you tend to be more circumspect about what you want. In answer to the question - yes to all of them. I think online is one way because you can be more open about what you want.

A good way to find someone is to get involved in the local scene - go to a munch and meet people there. At the very least you start off the whole 'dating process' with the knowledge that you are meeting people who are already involved in the scene and therefore already a sub/switch/Dom.

I have also learnt that those in the alternative scenes (rock/goth/metal etc) are more likely to be at least interested in BDSM in a perpheral way if not already involved so again the chances increase of meeting someone who is interested.

However, overall there is a lack of good dom/mes and an excess of subs of both genders so the competition is tight...

[Utburd]

After a rather vanilla relationship (I had discovered I was a Dom before this) with a girl I really liked (well realistically went beyond liking) and then successfully drove myself nuts during the relationship thinking I was a bad person for being 'out of sorts' (not bored... more frustrated I guess) by a perfectly hot vanilla sex life. I tried talking to her... but our kinks just didnt match up, I then broke up with her and she thought I was saying I was bored of the sex, when nothing could have been further from the truth!

After that, I started using a different technique from the usual boy meets girl, although I still used this bit.

I was already goth/rocker inclined, and had a soft spot for ladies of those persuasions (as fetishdj says). But I didnt get on at local munch, I didnt like the atmosphere.

step 1 boy meets girl... this step is important... if you dont like them no point in forcing it just cus they have the right kinks. no fumbles... be restrained (thats odd coming from a Dom)

step 2 get to know them, go shopping with them, see how open they are to your suggestions, eg, telling them to try something on, ordering for them in resturant, doing something you ask them to. but remember at this stage you are just good friends. if reactions seem favourable.

step 3 have a chat with them and see if theyre interested in you, before the conversation finishes mention that you have special interests... I usually say I'm a dom and then mention some of the things I like, nothing too explicit or scary, and just see how they react if theyre into it, its good if theyre not its a good time to get out, and hell you just got yourself a new friend.

I was really lucky with a bit of luck, a natural attraction for subbies and using this sort of technique I managed to meet 3 subbies I really liked, and 1 of them is now my long term partner.

For a subby looking for a dom, I guess some of it would need turning round, I assume you could test a potentials responses to you doing things for them. I dont have much experience in that field.

hope that maybe helps a bit sorry its so long.