New to this at my age.

[Silke]

Dear Warbaby,

I'm so glad that you feel comfortabe enough here to post something so intimate here. Your openness is amazing and I thank you so much for sharing.

It's sad to see you so torn between your desires to stay faithful to your wife and following your sexual needs. I can only begin to understand how hard it must be if your loved one doesn't share something that obviously is very important for you. It's hard in any sense, really, but I've found that the sexual desires are among the hardest to deny oneself. And you managed to do that for such a long time which tells me that you care about your wife and marriage tremendously.

I rationalized in my mind that even if she found out about this session I could make her understand my need for it because of all the time I tried to convince her to try some of it.

After what you've said before I'm sure that you indeed could make her understand. Oh my, even reading your post almost made me cry...it's so full of emotions, of love and guilt. How could anyone NOT understand?

I really wish you could share this with your wife instead of feeling guilty, but I understand if that's something you don't feel like you can do. Just for your own peace of mind, though, I hope that you'll find a way to accept your desires and everything that happened during the session. Make it something beautiful to remember, to cherish instead of tormenting yourself with guilt. It's happened anyway, so why not give it a special place in your heart? Just a thought...

About the embarrassment of getting carried away within the session. Oh boy, can I understand that! I'd be there, too...but then again, I get embarrassed at pretty much everything. But doesn't it only show how much you enjoyed yourself? And isn't that a compliment for the Mistress? Those would be the thoughts that made me feel good about myself again in that regard. I don't even think you'd have broken off the session if it hadn't been for your guilty conscience about somehow cheating your wife more when you have an orgasm.

From a D/s perspective I'd reason that it was a full success...the dynamic between you and your Mistress was strong enough to override your hesitation, no matter how good your orgasm control usually is. Even if you never work up the courage to do this again, you certainly seem to have found that reality holds up to your fantasies. And I have to say I envy you for that, it's something I've yet to find out in real life.

I wish you all the best whichever way you choose for the future and please stay in touch. As you've already found, this is a very friendly place to share experiences and it's helped me a lot to come to terms with my submissive feelings. We all have an open ear if you want to talk.

Silke

[Tojo]

Thanks for that Warbaby, sorry I missed the bit about the 'cheating' aspect.

Boy do I understand that. I'm in the exact same situation, with a lovely wife of many years I love very much. She likes to play around a little with the odd rope & occasional touch with a riding crop, but she's just not into it like I am.

I've spent many years with a big part of my life shut off. I get my fulfillment through having online relationships with a couple of girls.

I have a meet planned with a friend- we've seriously lusted after each other for a long time, & want to meet for some D/s fun for a week later this year.

We've agreed that we're both in relationships, we will not have sex, just D/s play & lots of it. It's a hell of a dilemma- I tell my wife I'm going to stay with a friend for a week but not that I'll have her on her knees with her wrists tied behind her back.

So hard to resolve. What is cheating? How true can you be when a part of you wants so much to see daylight?

One of my friends is going through the same agony. Wanting & needing so much to be in a loving caring relationship where all her needs are taken care of at least on an emotional level. Yet is it cheating when you care about someone else? Even if you never meet?

One can have some powerful feelings doing this, or just switch it off & let a part of yourself die.

Myself I feel like I care more for my wife now I have someone to call me 'Master'. Without that I'd be an empty shell.

May you make the right decision for yourself Warbaby. May we all.

Tojo

[Warbaby1943]

Dear Warbaby,

I'm so glad that you feel comfortabe enough here to post something so intimate here. Your openness is amazing and I thank you so much for sharing.


After what you've said before I'm sure that you indeed could make her understand.


But doesn't it only show how much you enjoyed yourself? And isn't that a compliment for the Mistress? Those would be the thoughts that made me feel good about myself again in that regard. I don't even think you'd have broken off the session if it hadn't been for your guilty conscience about somehow cheating your wife more when you have an orgasm.


Silke

Silke,

I do somehow feel very comfortable here and that is a great feeling to now have friends to discuss these types of matters with. I thank everyone for that feeling.

My wife is a great lady, very loving, very compassionate, best mother in the world, and loved by everyone she comes in contact with. As well as we have come to know each other, I'm still not certain that she would understand. The only thing I have going in that area is she is/was aware of my desires. We haven't even broached the subject in years. Otherwise, we have an enviable life and sex life together.


I agree it does show that I enjoyed myself and that is exactly what the mistress said. I guess I really wasn't expecting nor did I really want to cum but she said that is part of her job. She was absolutely great and I can't say that often enough. She even seemed to honestly care about my feelings of embarrassment and did her best to get me over and past it. I really didn't give her much of a chance given the fact that I left very quickly. The thought immediately went through my mind and I was just wondering if she were picturing me as a grandfather image, she was that caring. It felt like pity and I couldn't handle it at the time.

I would not have broken off the session had it not been for the orgasm. As I said before, there was still so much to experience.

[Aesop]

I just have to say I find your openness remarkable Warbaby. I don't have any practical advice for you or even non-practical advice, but I wanted to let you know that you have indeed found some friends here.