Sir G's Musings

[nighttimestar]

Those of you that know me know I have had a few small upheavals in my life of late. Go to non erotic poetry to witness my misery in all it's rhyming glory. For those who don't know me and don't care, I'll bring you up to speed. I have recently seperated from my wife, bought a new house and started again, been told by two neuro surgeons there is nothing they can do to alleviate the pain in my low back, aquired a kitten *shakes head* and generally felt like my life is in the toilet.

So nothing too major going on there. Today while I was listening to the million or so voices in my head - some accusing, some guilt ridden, some nice, some not so. I think you get the picture. I realised that I am happiest of late when I am writing and expressing myself. Perhaps happy is not a good description because there have been times when I have had way too many tears happening to even see the screen and felt destitute and abandoned by all who profess to love me.

When you are going through what I have been you tend to try to find all sorts of ways to find some kind of meaning and purpose in and for your life. And today it struck me that I have several things that I use to remind me that there are people out there that I love and who love me. Which brings me to the symbols I use in my everyday life to do that. Two I am wearing as I type this. The first is a watch I was given this Christmas past by my two sons. It's a Rip Curl Surfers watch, water proof to 200 metres and has more sentimental value to me because it was given to me albeit unceremoniously by my two boys Scott and Mike. The second is a beanie that Mike won along with a lot of other prizes when he won a surfing contest about 3 weeks ago and that I pinched off him claiming because I had paid the entry fee I was entitled to a share of the booty.

He was somewhat disgruntled at my mercenary approach to "his" prizes but grudgingly went along with it saying we would be co-owners of said beanie. Ha! Posession is nine tenths of the law kiddo.

There is a third that I wear often but just had a shower and had taken it off to dry my fingers and it is a Celtic Cross ring. My wedding ring in actual fact. These three things remind me that there are my two sons that love me and they will always be flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. The ring reminds me that there was a love I shared with a woman that I still love today as much as I did when I met her and that tells me there may be another out there for me or maybe not. I used to scoff at the saying "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." But now I know its meaning in spades and understand some of the crystal clear moments of understanding that go with that when you have revelations concerning any statement of truth. I'm not saying that is tue for you but is definitely true in my situation.

I'm trying to think of other things I use to symbolise other things in my life but at the moment I can't because my focus is on what I have been writing. And this seems so important to me at the moment. I know I will walk away from the computer when I am finished and be able to think of hundreds more of symbols I have in my life but they pale into insignificance at the moment. And at the end of the day you can only live in the moment to be truly happy.

I can remember thinking I will be happy when I get this or aquire that. A house and land is what is important. Having a Harley is paramount to my staus as a biker. Only if I could have these golf clubs can I truly play to my ability. Well, houses are money pits, harleys rust and tarnish, golf clubs gather dust and they all add up to nothing in comparison to the ones you love. They are there to distract us from our true purpose in life and that is to...

I know what my purpose is do you?

Wow what a deep and honest post.

To me symbolism seems to be apart of our lives weather we care to notice it or not. I have always sought anwsers to questions that I couldn't or didn't want to acknowledge the answer. Most recently...I was driving home asking god to just give me a sign if I was going to be transferred(job). Just as I had finished asking the car infront of me slammed on their breaks. I took that as I am not going to be transferred. I was mad, depressed and angry that I didn't get the answer I wanted or felt like I deserved.

We are all on earth intrically weaved together by forces greater then us. We guide, provoke thought, interest and help each other weather we want to believe it or not.

I believe my purpose in life is be able to find confortable limits to live in balance. To inspire, encourage people, and create a sense of peace to those who are restless. My purpose is also not to be afraid to truely show people who I really am

Thank you for this deep and thought provoking post

[Sir_G]

I had a great weekend this weekend spending it with my son, connecting with him again in a deeper sense than we ever have before. We went surfing up the coast at a place called Lancelin where he first got bitten by the surfing bug about four years ago.

He told me it was his best surf todate and I even managed to get out there despite my back pain and get a few waves myself. Life is about making choices and then living with the consequences I chose to surf and live with the pain and the reward and great time I had with my boy more than compensated for it.

Today I bought a puppy see the attached photos and smile because I am from the inside out.