Gosh, Kandacek...there's no Mistress Guide for Dummies or self-help guides that I know of. I searched the net, was given information, and had a domme friend look over my shoulder and still does if I need her to.

I'm no expert, in fact, not too experienced because I'm a switch. But, as in all things, use common sense.

  • Learn about your playmate. What do they like and how do they respond when you do it?

  • Test their limits carefully and slowly because you are playing a 'mind fuck' game.


  • Assume you are a bottom, gauge how you'd feel when receiving verbal triggers of humiliation.
  • As to painting a picture with words, close your eyes, visualize the scene, and write it down.