experienced sub/new dom

[Ranai]

Hehe, I like the 'trial and improvement' expression. I'll try to remember that one.
Yes - relax and have fun, Jazzman.

I see no point in an unqualified insistence on confidence. It smacks of advocating dishonesty.
In your own interest: Be honest.
If you put on a show of 'absolute conviction' when you are not certain about something, any intelligent submissive will see right through it!!! He/she might go along with it, perhaps out of the desire to please, perhaps out of pity. In the long run, nothing is gained by pretending.

A person who is willing to be your submissive gives you the benefit of the doubt. You don't need to 'prove' anything. You can contribute your best to the relationship. So I'd say, show confindence when it is there. Ask when you don't know. When you have doubts, tell her. You have more fun in the process when you are not nervous that she might see things you are trying to hide. Being honest you can win her respect.

As for performance anxiety, the great thing is that you recognise it for what it is. Good for you! It shows a level of self-reflection that will work to your advantage. To use an analogy, many accomplished actors have stage fright. They can't make it go away. They play with the stage fright, not against it. As long as it is there, you can use the feeling in a productive way and let it fire your creative energies. Styles of dominance are as varied as the persons involved. Enjoy experimenting and finding out what suits you.

[jazzman]

Thank you all for the assist...when things go well, ya'll should get some credit. I can honestly say that every post had something I could use/was supportive and helped me to focus a little bit more, which has eased my anxiety, and consequently, boosted my confidence a bit. Thanx again.
I very much appreciate it.

[Dngnkeeper]

A thought to all the good stuff already said. Throw out the script. Trying to script a scene in detail before hand seldom works. Even with experienced couples who have spent much quality time together. The problem is that you never know what her or your reaction will be at any given time. Have a few things on the list and pick one as the prinary goal. An example for me might be percussive play as the goal and flogging, paddling, and spanking as some of the things I would do. Then let the scene evolve on its own. If one thing isn't working switch to another path. Don't apologise just move on. That doesnt mean you stick only with one thing. If the flogging is working well you can add a little paddle in to vary the scene before comming back to it.

Also think about pacing of the scene. Think of a roller coaster. The good ones go up and down several times before the end. If you have her worked up to a high platou then back off and give her a little chance to breath and settle before moving on and up. It will add to the amount of time you can scene before she is done and let you take her farther.

Good luck
Play safe

[albear]

You don't have to ooze fake confidence, or hide behind a curtain of perceived self-importance, you just have to be confident that you're enjoying what you're doing, and have the confidence in yourself to do these things. That's kind of what I meant. And sheesh, that's using the word confidence excessively! *wanders off to find a thesaurus*

*gets momentarily distracted wondering what kind of a dinosaur a Thesaurus is*

[Harbinger]

Hi everyone

I'm pretty much new to the board and experiencing similar concerns as jazzman but other than creating a new thread where everyone'll have to repeat what has been said, I'll tackle my thanks and appreciation on this existing one.

Actually I've been signed onto the forums for a long time but I've only just got the nerve to start posting. In any case, great advice and many thanks!

And sorry if this post is a little disjointed... I think I'll be quiet now...

*goes off to commit seppuku*

[Ranai]

Hi Harbinger,

Like you, I find that one of the wonderful features of this board is that I can meet people with similar concerns & similar questions.

Please do keep your wakizashi in the sheath. :ninja:

[LBoolean]

I see no point in an unqualified insistence on confidence. It smacks of advocating dishonesty.
In your own interest: Be honest.
If you put on a show of 'absolute conviction' when you are not certain about something, any intelligent submissive will see right through it!!! He/she might go along with it, perhaps out of the desire to please, perhaps out of pity. In the long run, nothing is gained by pretending.

A person who is willing to be your submissive gives you the benefit of the doubt. You don't need to 'prove' anything. You can contribute your best to the relationship. So I'd say, show confindence when it is there. Ask when you don't know. When you have doubts, tell her. You have more fun in the process when you are not nervous that she might see things you are trying to hide. Being honest you can win her respect.

I could not agree more R, thus my advice to get "comfortable" with your level of skill and do what you can as well as you can. Pulling the nine tails out of the bag when you don't know the dynamics of it is not only scary, also pretty irresponsible. Confidence is quite a strange bedfellow... it tends to evolve and grow with experience and a feeling of knowing what you are doing. Right there is the chicken and egg thing.... getting comfortable with your technique takes training, training is hard if you don't have your technique figured out... be that as it may, and getting back on track in this thread, is great to have a partner with a little more experience, you learn quicker as long as you are inclined to being dominant eventually your personality will shine trough.