Getting the partner involved?

[fetish101]

sorry to hear about your skepticism rlsk. I hope his answer is favorable, and if not, oh well. It's then a matter of how in love you are and how bad your need is for a bdsm relationship. If the former is stronger than the latter, then I wish you much happiness in your relationship, bdsm or not.

Fetish101

[rlsk]

Hurrah! He said yes, both because he wants to make me happy and it's something he'd like to try now that he's thought about it. We're going to hash out the details over the weekend. I'm so excited!

I only worry about how my close (all online) friends would react if I told them -- they're all older and protective of me, and don't really like him, and will probably think he brainwashed me into it so he could abuse me or some such. It feels weird to think I'd have to keep it all a complete secret, or outright lie since they like to keep close tabs on my relationship (probably hoping I'll dump him and date this other guy who likes me and is the darling of the group.) Who knows what to do.

Sorry I'm babbling; I'm just so happy!

[zagadee]

sounds to me like you're on the right thread. the best you can do is to get him to try it and then hopefully he should like at some of the things you do and will want to do them again, and again, and again

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I only worry about how my close (all online) friends would react if I told them

So, umm, don't tell them.

[rlsk]

I won't. ^_^

[Alaric]

Having once been the guy who wasn't pursuing a BDSM relationship with my wife, who really wanted more, don't be suprised if it takes time to come close to what you are looking for. As mentioned above, if he was raised by a father who ingrained a big chunk of gentleman in him (like me) it is tough to overcome. And I was a guy who seriously enjoyed the kink side of things.

We finally went fulltime 3 weeks ago after playing around for, um, 8 years, but it has been fantastic.

Good luck with things

[ValKyrie]

There are some wonderful recommendations for "How To" websites already made in this thread.

Another thought though, would be to find a few erotic stories that not only depict the physical acts, but the mental excitement of both the sub and Dom and share those stories with him.

If this is the first time he has been introduced to the concept of BDSM in real life, he may have some preconcieved notions and stereotypes in place that lend themselves to violence, degradation and just plain nastiness. If you can share literature that depicts some of the beauty in the power exchange, he may feel more comfortable and confident in pursuing this with you.

Or not.

Best of luck,

Val

[Barton]

My slave and I were together for six years before she brought up living the life full time instead of just playing at it as a diversion. While our relationship was always great she took a long time to confess her deepest desire to me. I guess that some people need a lot of time to feel secure enough to try something new and different Maybe he just needs time.

Barton.