Why Do We Submit??

[annie]

Ok... i started to read all of the posts on the thread and then decided to not do that until i could answer the questions myself. So, i have been thinking about the questions, not sure i still have any further insight then i had when i first read the questions though, but here it goes anyhow...

1. Why do you submit? What is the drive? What is the reward?

The reason i submit is because of two reasons i think.

A. my personality is one of being a "people" pleaser to a certain extent. So, the drive is to please people and the reward is the warm fuzzy's that i get from knowing i have pleased my Dom.

B. The second reason is because i know how i want my life to run, how my life should run, and how my life actually runs. i need the discipline that my submission provides for me. Without it my world feels out of control, i worry more, i am more compulsive obsessive about things, i get overwhelmed, depressed, etc. i need boundaries to live a safe, healthy life and those boundaries are not always items that i can set. Or i can manage to set them but not maintain them. Having a Master, who is dedicated to my best interest and has no preconceived ideas about whom i am to be, allows me to explore but also works for my best interest because of the structure that i need to function on a safe, content, happy level. (If any of that makes any sense... lol)

2. How did you ever start down this path? Any bumps along the way?
i actually started on the path when i was in high school, i just didn't know it. After the birth of my twins, my neat and organized world, which I had always been able to maintain, started spiraling out of control. That is when i found someone who is naturally Dominate and after several months of conversations, and my following His "suggestions" i realized my true submissive side. i am certain no one would believe that i am submissive, because i have a very dominate personality, am normally the one in charge of things, etc. But, most of that comes not from the fact that i am dominate by nature but because of my compulsion for organization.

The largest "bump" has been my marriage and the fact that my husband is more submissive then i am. (One of the reasons he married me was because i was willing to take charge and make things work... lol). So, he can't Dom me as i need, because i need/want more then just a sexual relationship, since to feel secure and like the world is in order i need someone who is willing to take absolute control. i can't just leave though, we have three children and they are the first priority right now, and he is a great father and provider so it is a matter of trying to determine what is "fair" for everyone.

3. If your submissive side of your personality is different than your "everyday" self, how do you reconcile the two? How do you switch back and forth? What is your trigger for getting into "sub mode?"

my submissive side isn't that much different, people just normally don't see it because they don't take the time to look. They figure out i am organized, so i appear to be "grouped" to the world most of the time, so that leads to the assumption.

i don't think i switch back and forth between the two. i know who i have to be in "Domme" mode, so to speak, with such as organizations i volunteer with, kids, hubby, etc. and yet even while i am "in charge" i am listening too and being guided the entire time by what i was previously taught by my Dom. There are very few decisions that i make that i don't do a "Master check" on first. i am always in "sub mode" to His teaching, direction and guidance.

4. Anything you dislike about it? Anything you would rather change?
The only thing i dislike is also the one thing that makes my submission so strong. At times i get greatly annoyed by the fact that i can't seem to keep my life on track, for even the simple things, without help and direction. That just pisses me off, but in the same process if r/l interrupts and i don't have as much direction from my Dom as i would like i get annoyed and struggle... so it is a catch 22 at times for me. Not sure how i would actually change anything, this is how i am, this is how i function best, and this is when I am happiest and healthiest. If anything the change would be so that i would be allowed to deepen my submission even further then any current situation would allow.

5. Does any of the above change based on whether or not you have a current partner?
Of course it changes, i am not as centered or focused when i do not have a Dom. But, it has to be the "right" Dom or it wouldn't work anyhow. When i don't have a Master my stress level goes up, i end up depressed, over eating, and overwhelmed. When i have a partner that is able to bring me "into balance" then things seem more balanced, etc.

So... this is probably just ramblings and makes no sense but there it is!

[Smoke's-Slut]

I will try to answer the best I can and hope I make sense. These are very good questions.


1. Why do you submit? It is my core personality. I have been submissive as long as I can remember. I have always received pleasure knowing I have pleased someone else. Teachers, parents, significant others, bosses and friends are some examples. I submit to Sir because I love being for his pleasure and find I receive much more pleasure in doing so.
What is the drive? I feel significant; I have a purpose, useful and needed. With Sir, the drive is knowing if I am pleasing him, I am receiving pleasure as well. I find having my orgasms controlled, having my limits pushed, exploring new things and knowing anything sexually is for his pleasure makes my orgasms more intense, gives me more pleasure and satisfaction.
What is the reward? I am a better person, I take better care of myself, I am happier, my orgasms are more intense, I feel more trust and caring than I ever have being Sir’s submissive and I am enjoy my sexuality more than ever.

2. How did you ever start down this path? I think it was my first husband who really introduced me to this path. He however was more of a sadist than anything and had things been different I may have been in the life years ago. I knew I enjoyed many things just had some bad experiences and never found anyone willing to try anything dealing with BDSM other than an occasional spanking or being handcuffed. I met Sir online and we were friends he knew through things I had posted I was submissive and things just went from there. I feel I have missed a lot by not being in the life sooner but I am happy I am now.
Any bumps along the way? I had bad experiences with my first husband and exposure to bdsm and it made me not explore things enjoy until now. I also ran into a couple of men online who were not what they claimed and made me apprehensive about exploring the life until I met Sir online.

3. If your submissive side of your personality is different than your "everyday" self, how do you reconcile the two? I keep my two lives separate from each other. I am not in a real life so to speak relationship it is all online. I am a little more out spoken in my everyday life but still submissive.
How do you switch back and forth? This is not a problem since they are two separate lives. Me being submissive and in training is all online and it makes it easier for me to switch from one to the other.
What is your trigger for getting into "sub mode?" The minute I see him sign on or I am working on an assignment I am in sub mode. I always want to please him and hate when I have not.

4. Anything you dislike about it? I dislike the conflict I have sometimes with what I have been raised to believe my life should be like and what it really is. I have worked through this a lot and it has become easier. I also dislike not being able to be open about my life and not being able to share what is making me happy and making me care about myself.
Anything you would rather change? I would love to be in more than an online relationship with Sir.

5. Does any of the above change based on whether or not you have a current partner? I have always been submissive, I have always put others before myself so having a partner just makes it easier to experience my submissiveness.