I think that the topic of agency is kind of hard to define when you're in a full time relationship and have been for many years. The checks on consent and agency look pretty much identical when you know each other really well and there is very little that is truly new to experience.

He knows what I like, I know what He likes and He knows that one of the things that I like is to be 'forced' to do things that will push me past my ability to cope, and we're both really aware that this can look like there's neither consent nor agency. We both know that there is, and that whatever I consent to wear gives Him consent on what He may do. We live in a small house which is terraced and which has other houses attached on both sides with thin walls, so if I choose not to wear the solid gag He knows without asking what I'm not up for. We could spend time discussing it in detail and me giving Him specific consent, but it would only be for anybody who happened to overhear the conversation.

He also knows, and pays enough attention to, everything from posture to facial expression to make safe words and balls pretty much redundant. They're still there, but we recently had to replace the balls because the rubber had perished so badly- that's an idea of how long He's been placing them gently into my hands.

I recognise that this simply wouldn't apply to a newer relationship, nor should it.