and it is horribly confusing.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. I love him dearly, and couldn't imagine leaving him. But, we have issues regarding my kink. He was only a couple handful of encounters from virginity when I met him (not to say he was innocent, but I had been around more than he had) and some of my interests were entirely foreign to him. He has been a sweet heart about it, especially at the beginning. He would try things, and enjoys sex that would seem kinky to anyone who is purely vanilla. But his efforts tend to end there. I've tried everything and he just doesn't take the initiative to learn more, and as a sub, I just can't order him to do it, and telling him exactly how to do a scene ruins all excitement for me. (plus I haven't had much real life experience, so there is another barrier).

Anyways. After 3 some years, a lot of my BDSM interests have gone dormant (along with a great part of my libido). Until I came to france for a semester abroad. I've been here for 2 months, and it's like I am 18 again, with all of the fantasies and needs that have gone with.

I don't know what is cause here, and what is effect.

But I made a friend very shortly after coming here who is bi (he calls it gay, but he likes chicks a bit). And very early on he knew what was up. And he is very much... comfortable with himself and sexuality.. and just about everything. Thus he treated the fact that I am bi, and a sub, as casually as the fact that I am 22 and a woman, and a college student. And... I feel so alive, and so comfortable.

I find myself doing things for him as if he was a Top or a Dom. He doesn't do anything to ask for it. He teases me on occasion ('go do such n such' but i dont want to. 'yea but you're a sub, so you'll do it anyways'). Nothing that would count as cheating, but like a good 'sub' I'm always happy to fetch him a glass of water, or hold a bag for him or whatever it looks like he needs.

And I am SO confused. That kind of thing has never happened with my bf. I desperately want to be a sub for my bf, but he lacks interest, and his... i don't know, his attitude? his demeanor? his essence? it doesn't make me want to serve like my friend (of 2 months!) makes me want to serve. And the friend is no more interested in DS than my bf. So it's not as if hanging out with an experienced Dominant is affecting my attitudes and behavior.

Do other subs find this happens.. some guys bring out that behavior, and some don't?

And I have no idea what to do about it. Obviously I shouldn't and can't do much for another 2 months, it wouldn't be fair to him or me. but I am terrified to go home to him. I'm more open and outgoing than I've ever been, and my need for a change in lifestyle increases all the time.

Sigh.

I guess more than anything I would just love to hear some comments, some camaraderie, and suggestions if anyone has any.

Sorry for the long post!

His pony