When You Look At Me

There is something in my lover’s eyes that I cannot explain. It is acceptance, laughter, tears, need, hope, desire, longing, and love. I do not understand what she sees in me, but when I see it reflected in her eyes, I know I could not live without her.

PetPenguin is not only the most beautiful soul I have ever met, but the truest, purest, sweetest and most joyous soul I know. I was as lost as a person can be, and then she glanced my way. She and her family have proven that I am worth something, and that I can do something with my life that’s worthwhile. I want to give her the life she deserves – she sees in me the reason she loves life so, and I cannot help but feel the same about her. I have been lost, and she is the beacon leading me out of the darkness. Life may run without me, and drag me behind, but it also comes from her, and I cannot do anything but breathe in the happiness that life gives me. She is truly the air I breathe and the tears I cry, the water that sustains me and the gravity that anchors me to the earth.

She is the soul and meaning of my life.

She is the reality in a cold, lifeless and existential world.

She is hope.

She is trust.

She is beauty.

My PetPenguin cannot see why she’s beautiful. She can’t hear her own sweet voice, see the empathy in her brown eyes, watch the way the light glints off her red curls. She doesn’t lie awake at night counting the freckles on her skin. That’s all me. I’m the one who shakes her at night to be sure she’s still breathing. I’m the one who giggles at the things she says before she falls asleep. I’m the one whose heart jumps when she knocks at the door.

When my PetPenguin looks at me, I feel special. I know that I’m a nerd, but that’s okay. She accepts me for that. I know that I’m different, but that’s okay. She accepts my differences. I know that I need a special kind of love, but that’s okay. Her brand of love is as special as they come.

I cannot begin to describe how precious she is to me. When I am lonely, I think of holding her, and that thought blows away the dark clouds like a powerful wind. When I am upset, I reach for her hand. When I am joyous, she is the first person I long to share my joy with.

Joy, hope, loss, despair, defeat, triumph.

Whatever I go through, I know PetPenguin will be there with me. She is my best friend and my companion. Her life and my life are one, and that has made my life SO much better.

Thank you, dearest one.

I love you.