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What I want an opinion on is this....how do you go from sub to dom to accommodate a partner without feeling like an idiot. My boyfriend is normally a dom but on that rare occasion he like for me to dom him and I just feel like I am NO good at it.
Any advice or opinions would be very welcome :)
Either learn or if topping him is beyond you, or you just can't do it to him, find him an appropriate domme. Sharing can be fun.
You can do either by finding a mentor.
By the way, I know switches who can do this but can't submit to their dom thereafter. Be careful... submission is a delicate thing, easily strained.
If topping him is a challenge to you, take is as on order. You are topping him to be of service and if you do not top him, and do a good job of it, then you are not following your owners directions.
now that was a perfect reply Sirpervy, and i agree with it wholeheartedly. theres been times i've been through a submissive phase. albeit they are really short, really short phases. and i find it weird that some submissives seem lost on that aspect when all they have to do is just reverse the roles, and go with what the dominant expected of them, to just do the same orders. and to take that experience and build upon it, sure it's a stretch, but it's definitly a learning stretch. so my advice to you freedom37803, is to try what is normally done to you but with a lighter touch to start off with. then build on it till you find whats right for those situations. good luck, it's a weird task to be sure, but i'm sure you'll love the break from the normal. unless you do take it as an order in which case it would be the normal? think i got that right.
I'm not experienced, but would it not be fun to do what he does to you?(keeping in mind that some things are different in the anatomy) and just play from that? (edited this) I was thinking this rsjankowski
I guess it's a lot harder to be a dom than to be a sub right?
You have indicated a mind-set that you are unable to "dom" your Dom.Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom37803
That should be construed as a positive rather that a negative.
In the process of accommodating the occasional transitions to "dom" him, uncomfortable results could inure that might strain your relationship.
It might be best that you and your Dom resolve this aspect by not continuing with further transitons in in this area to provide pleasures.
So much good advice and opinions. I have been in the same situation freedom, and i'm afraid i'm going to have to agree with QuietMaster. I did everything i could to please my Dom, but after i had topped Him a couple of times, it got very difficult to submit to Him. I am not comfortable in a Domme/Top situation, period. And when asked to perform in that role, it was very awkward and made me feel quite inept. Needless to say, I got so uncomfortable, that I ended the relationship. I do hope that you find the answer you are looking for and that you are able to work things out in a way that is best for you *smiles* Good luck and take care!
Wifey refuses to try this.
I thought it would be fun anda change but she would not stating that I am supposed to be the dom and her the sub.
She says it is not in her nature to dom me - I am the masculine.
How can you be a good sub if you cannot act like a good dom on the command of your dom?! As a good sub it is your responsibility to meet the demands of your dom, may be he like to explore new ideas that you may prop up in his mind to dom, while acting as a dom? or he may like to experience how a sub feels so he may be able to dom better the next time...so be nice and helpful, thats what a nice sub should be like! - my point of view!
Freedom, you asked for an opinion, and that's all this is. I see from your profile you list yourself as a switch. Seems to me that you already have the ability to Dom your partner. You just lack the desire to Dom him. So don't do it if it bothers you. Yes I said, don't Dom him.
Instead try playing a game I like to call "Teasing the Tiger". If you found a Tiger that was chained, you could take pleasure from teasing the tiger, after all the tiger could not stop you. Would you be Dominating the Tiger? No. The Tiger is still proud and dangerous, It has not submitted, it's just helpless to stop you.
Take some time to talk with your Dom/Top and find out what he expects from this power exchange. Perhaps there are things you do that he would really enjoy, but cannot allow during a regular scene because they would be too distracting to him?
If thats the case then by all means Tease the Tiger. Just don't be suprised if the Tiger bites when you let it loose. <eg>
Hmm. I suppose one could look at topping one's Dom/me as merely an order to follow through on, however, methinks that's wandering into some very sketchy territory if the sub has no natural inclinations to switch.
I don't have any issues with Dom/mes that switch or have a passing curiosity as to what it feels like to be a sub. The problem, as I see it in cases like the OP's, lies in the fact that Domming and subbing is more than who happens to be wielding the crop at any given time. It's a hugely mental and emotional headspace.
I could "act" like a Domme at my Master's command, certainly, but it would never be more than an act and that in and of itself would lend an uncomfortable sense of falsehood and illigitimacy to our intimate relationship. Not good. I know I can't submit to just anyone, so as I was going through the motions I would also be wondering how my partner could be truly submitting to such a false mock up of a Domme. "Is everything we do just an act to him?" I'd wonder. More doubt. Again, not good.
I could go on, but I think the point is made.
Perhaps a compromise could be made, however? I myself have a pretty strong streak of top in my nature. I have a largely Dominant mindset around most people and in the majority of my past relationships. Sometimes that flares up, and my Dom plays along for awhile before "putting me back in my place." It's a game that allows some switching to happen but in the end re-establishes the balance of power to where we are both happiest.
Thanks everyone for your great advice...all of it is appreciated very very much