S is for submission

I wrote this a long time ago and can be found on my on website.




Submission is a gift from the soul and is not to be given lightly.
(Get to know the Man inside first before the Dominant, as this will help you make the choice whether to offer your gift or not).

The submissive is both a complex individual, and one who has simple and well defined needs.
Understanding those needs is important for both the submissive themselves as they become more aware of their lifestyle choices, and for the Dominants too so that they may fulfil and cater to the needs of their submissive partner.

Being submissive isn’t just about being a slave to your Master.
It is all about knowing who you are, what you want to be and how you see yourself.
In order to please your Master is also about pleasing yourself.
Pushing yourself to the limits and going out of your way and taking that one step closer to fulfilment.
It also is not about being chained to the kitchen sink.
You do have a say in a matter and if your Master does not appreciate this then he has no control over you.
Submission is an extension of your inner self.
Unfortunately my Master isn’t here all the time as he lives elsewhere, but we have a connection like no other.
Because of this, he still has control over what I do via words and actions.
One look from him says it all or even right down to the tone of his voice.
But also he is controlling me by allowing me to be myself.

*

Over the course of my time online I have seen people come and go.
I have also got the ability to spot the wannabes… the so called dom/mes and submissives that wander the various chat systems.
They do not have the respect for others that those true to this lifestyle have.
It is all yes sir no sir 3 bags full sir….
would you like me to change my personal details?
May I leave your side please?
Can I greet master?
yadda yadda yadda.
A true submissive would never even dream of making herself look that foolish and neither would her Dominant.
Because of those people who want to carry on playing their little fantasy games, they end up giving our lifestyle a bad name.
People start to stereo type us.
Those people think that the D/s lifestyle is all about whips, chains and cuffs.
They never seek out the true meaning of being submissive.
And because of that they will never experience what we have.
I have seen those who want to seek out this life by physically searching and asking questions.
Going out of their way to sit and do the research, and ask questions if they do not understand something.

I still am learning valuable lessons.
As each day passes I learn more and more about myself.
The lessons have been hard to say the least.
The hardest lesson I have ever had to learn is to be humble.
Humble in the aspect of being able to ask for the wisdom and training I still need to become what I am today.
To say I don't know how to do this and I need help.
To define where I was and where I was going.
To define what I was seeking.
The most important issue was to define who I was.
Its okay to not know in the beginning but you must be honest with yourself and others along the journey.
(Needless to say I am still struggling to a point with this lesson as my Master would gladly tell you.)


At the end of the day, The weak don’t survive in this lifestyle.
It isn't for everyone.
Very few submissives actually make it in the lifestyle for very long.
Many burn out after a few months or a couple years returning to the vanilla life.
The ones that burn out are the ones that couldn't seem to follow the rules, are looking for someone to rescue them and take them away , or were just in it for the game.
They had a mental block against learning.
They couldn't find a Dom that met all their specifications.
So they have a history of going through Doms as quickly as they changed their underwear.
So the ones that do make it, how did they do it????

The ones that make it know what they are looking for.
They understand the value of taking care of heart and home first.
They understand the value of learning.
They understand the value of making themselves available for learning from those that touch their lives.
They understand that all learning may not involve a love relationship but a mutual understanding of honesty and respect.
They have taken the time to determine what is and is not a priority in their lives.
Learning to become and draw out the submissive part of yourself into the wide open is a very mentally taxing journey.
BECAUSE it is such a mentally taxing journey you need to keep yourself physically healthy as well as emotionally and mentally.
The most important aspect to me always has been honesty in all my affairs.

Okay so let’s break out each of the above...

The ones that make it know what they are looking for.
This submissive has set down and taken the time to look at all facets of her personality and her life.
She determines what areas need work on.
She has determined what it is she is looking for.
She knows the profile of the man she responds best too.
The sort of man that turns her juices on, so to speak.
With this she has come to the understanding that although she may desires the ever after it may not be there.
She lives for today and doesn't worry about tomorrow.
In other words she doesn't fret over what hasn't happened yet.
She knows what she wishes to seek.
She may decide she wishes a period in an unattached relationship.
She may decide what she wants is to learn, as a submissive.
Its doesn't mean that it will stay that way.
As she grows in her submission she will determine she needs different things as she grows.
That is the natural order of things.
She must first determine what she values the most and work from that.
She must correct the personality flaws she knows are there with help or alone.
She knows she must function from a level of honesty, trust, respect and desire to learn openness, and being responsible for her own actions.

They understand the value of taking care of heart and home first.
She focuses on being healthy both mentally and physically.
This means she eats well, sleeps well, and exercises.
She challenges herself.
She develops a routine.
Arise at the same time.
Eat healthy three times a day.
Makes sure she exercises at least three times a week.
If she is alone (single) she holds a job.
She can support herself independently of a man.
She knows a Dom will be looking at those things.
The giving up of this is by choice not because she has no other option.
If she has children she knows they must come first.
She has responsibility.
She embraces that responsibility and cares for those dependent on her for their own care as a Dom would care for her.
She knows a mentally and healthy sub is very
important when a Dom is looking you over.

They understand the value of learning.
They understand the value of making themselves available for learning from those that touch their lives.
She does her research.
She reads everything she can get her hands on.
She increases her knowledge base.
She knows a good submissive is intellectual, educated in affairs a Dom may wish to discuss, her manners are perfect, and she carries herself with poise and grace.
Her walk is elegant.
Her reputation is beyond reproach.
She functions from a very honest base.
She knows how to present herself in social affairs
She knows what it means to be the lady.
When she comes across someone that could give her good solid advice and expand her knowledge base and her growth as a submissive she welcomes this.
She is open to learning.
She doesn't look at will this last forever.
But I will enjoy this communication for the time that is lasts.
I will grow from this.
I used to always say I will give anything 3-6 months.
The submissive understands good things come slowly to those
that wait and have patience.
PATIENCE is the key.
She also understands she need not have a physical attraction to the one she is learning from but a connection and a desire to learn is uppermost.

They understand that all learning may not involve a love relationship but a mutual understanding of honesty and respect.
This opens so many doors for you.
You over time seek these people out for matters that affect you.
You learn to ask them for help.
They guide you and you follow that direction.
However when it’s over...
and the learning completed they can teach you nothing more (which does happen) she knows when to say its done completed and move on.
She parts amicably.
NO regrets.
NO antagonism.
She moves on freely.

They have taken the time to determine what is and is not a priority in their lives.
They understand home fires staying under control and balance is crucial to their ability to learn.
I have seen many subs who were so engrossed in their on-line and real-time activities they have allowed their home life to deteriorate.
They haven't done laundry or dishes in weeks.
They put off paying bills.
They ignore their children or spouse as the case may be.
They haven't been outside their home except for work in months.
If they don't work on-line becomes their entire focus.
They sit on-line daily for hours at a time searching for that DOM.
They become high maintenance because they have nothing else in their lives by THIER OWN CHOICE.
They have allowed their life to become unbalanced.
Their priorities are screwed up.
My children and their well-being and activities come first in my life.
My Master has always respected me for that choice.
I know what my priorities are.
I was never looking for someone to rescue me from my life.

Learning to become and draw out the submissive part of you into the wide open is a very mentally taxing journey.
BECAUSE it is such a mentally taxing journey
you need to keep yourself physically healthy as well as emotionally and mentally.

The most important aspect to me always has been honesty in all my affairs.
This is difficult for many people coming into the lifestyle.
I know it should be easy but it always isn't.
Telling little white lies will destroy you and your reputation within the Community.
Sometimes we call this brutal honesty.
I am brutal with myself many times.
I will however admit I do have periods of denial.
BUT it is my attempt to always be honest in my dealings with others.
THIS to me meant when I commit myself to someone as a submissive I stop looking for others.
I focus on Master now and what he has to teach me about myself.
Believe me anything you do will become common knowledge eventually.
You screw someone over and others will find out about it.
It's those things they remember.
This is as I think and feel a submissive should make her/his journey.
We all have to have standards which we follow and ones we can live with.
We all wish for that perfect Dominant.
However we do understand this may be down the road.
In the meantime we grasp at the opportunities offered us.
We do so in an honest and trustworthy manner.
We always keep in mind our reputation and our standing in the community.
If you want others around you to admire you and your ability as a submissive you learn how to present yourself to others in the best form.
We take care of our priorities and others see this.
As a submissive you always have choices... we hope on your journey you make the right choices and you always have the backing of the community in your endeavours.
My goal has always been to be the best submissive I could be.
I think I am making progress and I am always still learning.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.

For you new submissives out there reading this,
I wish you the best of luck and a happy journey.
It will not be easy: growth and change comes hard.
Sometimes, with many tears and heartache.
But from it you will become stronger and surer of yourself and you will see direction and guidance as the key to your success.
Grab the brass ring and fly into a world of learning and knowledge that is there for you.

That's really interesting :) it's nice to hear things like this, especially when you're new here hehe

In my humble opinion, humility is (in all walks of life) a quality worth aspiring to. :)

But also he is controlling me by allowing me to be myself.

This is one I've been focused on lately - the acceptance of who I am is priceless and not something I've ever felt before. And because of that acceptance...He has my devotion, my submission, my best effort, my trust and my love.

jeanne so very well said, if I don't have feelings for the woman and how she is when we meet why would I want to rebuild her.

Thank you cg. This is a very illuminating post for me. I am learning every day as a new submissive and one of the most difficult things for me is trying to find the balance between myself the sub and my 'normal' life. Input from experienced real lifers like you has really helped me put things into perspective. Now I need to go fold that Laundry!

Your tone at the beginning seemed so sure that I was almost put off.
You won me over with the integrity and consistent healthy attitude.
Many of your aphorisms apply as well to a Dom or to any person.
Thanks.

Nicely put crazy_grrluk, thank you for that.

It's not just submissives that could benefit from applying some of these ideals. We could all use a bit more honesty and integrity in our world.

And sleep.

Well, maybe that's just me.

:wave:

Bravo... and Thank You.