Switching subs?

Ok all you silent switches (and others with experiences in switching...),

When does a sub become a switch?

There are many subs out there who enjoy Dominating other subs. Does this make them switches? Or are they just subs with alpha sub tendencies? Is a sub in a 3-some who subs to the Dom but Doms the other sub a switch or an alpha sub?

I ask because there are many subs out there with "switching tendencies", but they don't consider themselves switches, they consider themselves subs that just "play." Are they switches? Are they subs?


Discuss.

I used to play with another sub and her Dom. She was really crazy (in an I-live-in-my-own-reality way, not in stab-you-in-your-sleep way) but that's another story. She said she wasn't a Domme because she only enjoyed being dominant at the direction of or under the supervision of a Dom. It was the feeling of putting on a performance for him that turned her on. So, because the turn on was actually derived from being submissive, she called herself 100% sub.

But, I've always wondered, some subs (like me) don't even get turned on dominating at the direction of a Dom. So, there must be something different about the subs with "switching tendancies", right? Partial Doms?

I consider myself sub to my mistress because that's appropriate most of the time, though we both have some switching tendencies. I see it this way, I truly and utterly enjoy being dominated, but I occasionally take the dominant role because my mistress is an admitted switch and I aim to please. Yes, I find the thought of dominating her exceedingly erotic, but on the other hand, I live for and greatly prefer submitting.

I see myself as a sub, what do you see me as?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by delia

When does a sub become a switch?

---

Now that's a deep question.

I don't think that "one answer" works for everyone.

Iron_Lynx, what do you see yourself as?
Perhaps a sometimes switch?
A sub that is "domming" for the pleasure of her partner?

For me, there is a drive to enjoy both roles.
I've not ever considered myself to be just a sub or a domme, ever. It's not how I'm wired.

However, there are others who see me in one role or the other and that's okay.

For me its pretty straight forward. It depends primarily on my partner. I can't see me subbing with a cutie pie partner but if my partner is a more of a strong willed, sexually aggressive type then the fight for power is on. And to the victor the spoils!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by delia

Ok all you silent switches (and others with experiences in switching...),

When does a sub become a switch?

There are many subs out there who enjoy Dominating other subs. Does this make them switches? Or are they just subs with alpha sub tendencies? Is a sub in a 3-some who subs to the Dom but Doms the other sub a switch or an alpha sub?

I ask because there are many subs out there with "switching tendencies", but they don't consider themselves switches, they consider themselves subs that just "play." Are they switches? Are they subs?


Discuss.

---

Hello Delia~

I think this a a Great Topic, and a Very Interesting Thread. My Partner *M* is a Dominant/Switch. A Big Switch (pun intended hehehe) from First *M* (who was Pansexual but not Switch), and a rather difficult Journey through for me at first....sometimes even still. This experience has caused me to see things in a different light. I have some Switch Friends, even been played some with them, and was taught Topping by First *M*. But had no firsthand up close and personal experience with a Switch in an intimate Relationship before. Since my Journey with Partner here began, I've Learned a lot more. And come to ponder much more on this Topic.

I think PPL contain many facets to themselves. And I've come up with a category in my head for them. Some are Dominant, Some Primarily Dominant, Some are Dominant/Power Shifters, Some are Submissive, Some are Primarily Submissive, Some are Submissive Power Shifters, Some are Slaves, and Some are Switches.

I think a Sub may become a Switch when they Grow to a point that Dominance becomes a Need for them. Or when they develop a strong desire to Control another person fairly often. But this is pretty hard to say for sure.

I've been to Events that were days long and where Subs played together, and the Alpha Subs were definantly Topping the more Submissive Submissives <G>. But let their Dominant appear and they were on theirs knees immediately.

I think We All as PPL have within us the capacity to be Dominant or Submissive with different PPL, whatever our Primary Personality is. Like tell me, Who is not Submissive to Mom or Dad? <G>. In Our Intimate Relationships We are more Who We Are.

At my usual trade I am quite Dominant, and a Manager or Supervisor. Even as an underling at like where I work right now, I am constantly Managing and Directing other PPL, even the Manager <G>.

With most other PPL on a personal level I Manage them and their needs.

What makes me a good Manager is that I am a Slave, and I am actually Serving those I Manage. PPL have always Loved having me for their Manager, and I've had the lowest turnover rate for transfers from the Departments I have Managed. I am told I am not like other Managers <G> and more Human and caring than others PPL have had.

When PPL come to my Home I Manage them, in a Serving them and their needs sort of way. I instinctively Know they are hungry, thirsty, tired, and offer what they need.

I Top well as I was taught to do <G>, and I enjoy it. I relate to that feeling and ecstasy of being on the bottom. I Love it in another person. It is Home to me. A comraderie if you will. At the same time I Submit to noone but my *M*. Though I've been Submissive with a few. To me it's not the same thing.

PPL in this LifeStyle who Know me RT Know I am Slave, but they also Know I am not Their Slave. I Know I am a Slave. Someone else may see me as a Switch <shrugs>. But I Know who and what I am. And this can easily be seen in this HouseHold <G>.

Someone on chat here once, after my describing myself to them, decided I am like 1% Switch. Hmmmmmm is there maybe a % of what else we may be? <G>.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

:faint:
.... Um, Ruby. I'm a guy.

Anyway, I see myself as I said I do. I was simply inviting opinions.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by delia

There are many subs out there who enjoy Dominating other subs. Does this make them switches? Or are they just subs with alpha sub tendencies? Is a sub in a 3-some who subs to the Dom but Doms the other sub a switch or an alpha sub?

---

That's what it all comes down to doesn't it?

I'm inherently submissive; however, my wife is also sub. When we go out to play with others, we have a few friends who are quite wonderfully dominant with us both, but when we are alone, I play the dom (and here's the point), and I ENJOY it. Therefore, I am switch.

Switching is not inherent, like dominance or submission. Switching (and the act of being a switch), comes from the necessity or desire to fulfill a role outside your norm.

In direct response to delia: A normally submissive person who is directed to dom another sub is an alpha sub. A normally submissive person who volunteers to dom another sub is a switch.

Personally I have found that it depends on the mood at the time.

Myself, I am inclined to be dom during the day (at work) but find it to be a relaxing relief to be a sub when I get home. With my partner we enjoy the ability to assume a given role (and we both tend toward the dom side of things), and with us both being very strong-willed personalities it works well in the relationship to give in at times.

Somewhat perversely, we have times where we both want to be the sub or the dom, but that simply adds excitement while we determine who's going to take on which role that day, or that hour, or that moment.

I think everyone is allowed to play outside of their preferences and to experiment, but in the end it comes down to what you most desire to do: Dom or sub.

I was traditionally a top in my sexual relationships. I wanted to sub, I just hadn't found the right person or circumstances under which to do so. Yet, my underlying personality was still the desire and interest to sub, and the feeling that that's what I wanted. Though my past relationships were all fufilling intheir own right, I knew there was an element missing. So, even though I've topped more than subbed, I still consider myself a sub.

In my current D/s relationship, Master and I will play at switching because we both find it highly erotic for me to push to where He has to "put me back in my place." It's a fun little game and we both enjoy it yet at the end of the day He's still my Master and I'm still His sub. Wouldn't have it any other way! ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by (null).exe

Switching is not inherent, like dominance or submission. Switching (and the act of being a switch), comes from the necessity or desire to fulfill a role outside your norm.

---

This is not actually true.

I see.

...oh, you weren't going to volunteer any evidence or reasoning. My bad.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cool Luke's Hand

I see.

...oh, you weren't going to volunteer any evidence or reasoning. My bad.

---

You say that like it's a bad thing. :cool:

Yes, I do. If you're going to state an opinion such as that - something completely contrary to a legitimate point - without expanding on it or providing some sort of reasoning, then what was the point in you posting it to begin with? You've added nothing to the discussion, it's useless.

Why do you hold dismissal of a proposition to a higher standard than assertion of it? I see no reason to go out of my way debunking a claim that some guy just pulled out of his ass.

Because it's a viewpoint. Regardless of whether you think it's correct or incorrect, it's his viewpoint and simply saying "No, you're wrong" is in itself wrong. If you're not going to provide a decent counter-argument, or reasons why switching DOESN'T come from the desire to play a role that is not your norm, then, as I said, your post was useless. The claim is hardly one he just "pulled out of his ass", it makes a lot of sense.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by delia

Ok all you silent switches (and others with experiences in switching...),

When does a sub become a switch?

There are many subs out there who enjoy Dominating other subs. Does this make them switches? Or are they just subs with alpha sub tendencies? Is a sub in a 3-some who subs to the Dom but Doms the other sub a switch or an alpha sub?

I ask because there are many subs out there with "switching tendencies", but they don't consider themselves switches, they consider themselves subs that just "play." Are they switches? Are they subs?


Discuss.

---

A submissive becomes a switch the same way everyone else does, i.e. by realizing he/she enjoys being in control of another and being controlled by another. If a "sub" truly enjoys dominating other subs, he/she is a switch. If a sub is only dominating another at the instruction of a dom and not enjoying it at all, except in the context of pleasing the dom, then the sub is just topping from the bottom.

Think about it for a minute. The flip of a switch (pun intended) is to be in the presence of someone more dominant or more submissive than himself/herself. Sometimes, this can occur within the relationship if both involved are switches. I think it's a bit ridiculous to think we need 100 extra words to describe the same damn thing just because people want to feel they are somehow different or don't want to feel different at all. Guess what? You're not *that* different!

In my opinion, an alpha sub is only a sub in a polyamorous relationship. To be number one, there must be a number two...or three. It's the same as saying "first wife" where people practice polygamy.

You can call yourself a sub who likes to play or a dom who is selectively submissive if it makes you happy, but you could save yourself some syllables and just say what you are.....SWITCH.

i cant really answer the question,its something ive always wondered about too as i can kind of understand that some people get their kicks that way sexually although even that is a bit foreign to me but i really cant understand how you can switch from being sub to Dom/me in any other area.

but something else to think about,some switches have either switched from sub to Dom/me because they prefer to start as sub learning from the bottom so to speak,
and others are subs who Top as and when they are told to by their own Dom/mes,which they can sometimes do very well due to good training and practice but inherently they are submissive through and through,which is why they can learn to do it happily and so well i guess, or maybe some start out that way but find it brings out traits that they never knew were hidden deep down?..bit of a conundrum that one lol

just a thought :)
i cant really answer the question,its something ive always wondered about too as i can kind of understand that some people get their kicks that way sexually although even that is a bit foreign to me but i really cant understand how you can switch from being sub to Dom/me in any other area.

but something else to think about,some switches have either switched from sub to Dom/me because they prefer to start as sub learning from the bottom so to speak,
and others are subs who Top as and when they are told to by their own Dom/mes,which they can sometimes do very well due to good training and practice but inherently they are submissive through and through,which is why they can learn to do it happily and so well i guess, or maybe some start out that way but find it brings out traits that they never knew were hidden deep down?..bit of a conundrum that one lol

just a thought :)

but i have to ask,what the hell is an 'alpha sub'? i dont think i want to be an alpha anything ;) plain old subs just fine with me lol

It's funny because I was always Dominant personality wise but I was also a vanilla.
PRO DOM convinced me to be a sub to her so that I could experience BDSM in r/l. She said she'd take it easy on me and so I tried it not knowing what to expect. I had no earthly idea what I was in for but I knew she'd been doing it for a while so I decided to give it a try. OMG it was unbelievable! I told her that I could never go back to a vanilla relationship again. How boring compared to this! So just saying that it can go the other way being Dom and then to sub and although I'll always consider myself Dom, it was worth "switching" with PRO DOM at the helm.

hmmmmm an interesting read indeed - I hadn't read earlier because I know nothing of switching and it interests me not to be such but learning how others feel about it is very cool.

I sub only and it actually used to piss me off when my vanilla partners would say "What do you want me to do" Instant buzz kill, or better yet.."Just have your way with me" Which is another instant kill and I might as well get dressed and leave lol

I've never understood the concept of 'switching' - how can one just turn it on or off but I suppose it gives them the best of both sides of the coin, so to speak so good on them hehe

I think even if I had a Master who wanted us to be with another woman, I couldn't Top her and they would both have to Top me - I truly find it "ikky" to dominate anyone sexually - I'm quite happy in my station in servitude ;)

Hmmm....I always considered a switch as someone who was aroused by both subbing and domming. If a sub doms another sub because her dom tells her to, and is not particularly aroused by the act of domming, but is aroused by the act of doing it out of submission to her dom's request, I'd say shes still a sub. If she does it out of the pleasure of domming, then I'd call her a switch. Now, that doesn't mean that any switch would sub or dom for anyone; I'm a switch but I would ONLY EVER sub for my DH. EVER. The thought of submitting to someone else (not counting fantasies) is not something I would ever be turned on by. I still classify myself as a switch though, because I get aroused submitting to him AND domming him.

Anyway, I have no idea if that rambling sentence makes sense! It is just such a grey issue- there is no mold that you fit into if you're one or the other- you just have to go with what your gut says, I guess! :)
-Phan

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mastersgem:
how can one just turn it on

---

With me it isn't just turn off or on. Both sides are part of me. At present I'm sitting in a chair typing, not using my feet. When I finish and walk in to brush my teeth and go to bed, I don't have to turn my feet on. I just have to use them, they're part of me.

I am kind of new here and from what I've read so far, many people just don't know understand what I am. I'm me, Dennis. I like art, computers, playing guitar and cooking. I also like getting tied up and tying someone else up (not necessarily at the same time. lol).

It's not really a mystery any more than being a Dom/me or sub is. Both sides compliment and enhance the other.

One really fun fantasy of mine is to have my wife tie me up and totally have her way with me. She can do whatever she wants and I can't do a d--n thing about it. (except maybe holler and get goosebumps) :)

On the other hand I just can't give up the thought of tying her and teasing her mercilessly, until she comes so hard and so often, that when it's over I have to peel her off the ceiling, the walls, the bed, the window sill, the rug, the... :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Phantome:
switch...someone...aroused by both subbing and domming

---

Phan, that's the best definition I ever read. It speaks to how I feel, totally. Your little "ramble" makes perfect sense.

After reading your post I suppose I'd have to say that the trouble some folks have getting their mind around switching is that they try to approach it from their own point of view, rather than trying to understand a switch's point of view.

From what little experience I have....
1. During my longterm relation I did like tying up my GF, but also enjoyed her restraining me and teasing the hell out of me. However, those were more bondagegames then domination. Still, when pulling some "pranks" on her (she did spent a weekend almost naked in a cabin, also was once discovered while tied to a pole...) I was surely not the sub

2 In my recent online adventure I really was turned on by dominating the slave, in fact that was how it all begun!! Somehow, mailing with her put me in a "domme mode" and had some asthonishing results.
However, from the first moment her mistress mailed me I simply couldn't help but desire to please her, to do as she asked. That woman read my mind as an open book....and as written before, despite the struggle and the fight I could not but surrender to her. Somehow mailing with her switches (...) me into sub-mode, something she of course noticed right away...

Leaving me confused still: I still dream of having that cute girlfriend that likes me to dominate her, tie her up (as in the pics of my former alter ego, Boundtowrite) And looking at tied up guys doesn't turn me on for a second...but that idea of being forced to surrender to a woman, yes...definitily a turn on...

I agree that there are true switches out there and that they are able to enjoy either roles within a relationship, I am talking outside of the bondage and role play element here.

However with regard to true BDSM relationships, in my opinion, and this is from experience, yes changing the balance of power with regard to one dominating the other works well, however there is and has to be, always a dominant leading the sub.

when push comes to shove one is the holder of the power, the fact that they are able to temporarily hand some or most of this power to their partner to reverse the roles during play, only reinforces their dominance in so much they know they can reclaim it when ever they so choose to do so.

I am particularly drawn to the exchange of power play within BDSM, as such I would not be able to switch roles fully within the same relationship.

I am either a dom, or has happened once the sub, as a sub it was very difficult for me at times but the thought of switching was never really an option.

In powerplay, both partners know who the dominant one is, to switch this completely I do not feel would work, certainly not for me. Subs wish to be dominated, for them to respect and love their master, he/or she the mistress has to have the ultimate total control.

Perhaps the answer to the "switch or not a switch" debate is less about what you do and more about why you do it.

Is it your own natural Dominance you're using or are you simply the instrument of someOne Else's?

Ultimately though, everyone is a switch. No normal person is totally one or the other. Life doesn't work that way.

Take the most dominant man or woman you know. If you put them in the office of an IRS agent they are not going to rule by the force of their dominant personality. Not, of course, if they don't want to pay extra taxes and penalties through the nose.

Or put them in front of a judge who holds the balance of their life in hand, they are not going to Dom/me the judge. Unless of course they really do want the maximum sentence.

Take a sub and put her in a house full of kids. She will rule, no questions asked.

Or take a sub to a store where she feels like someone is overcharging her. They had better not mess with her Master's money. Maybe they thought they could get away with something, after all it's just this mousey little woman ready to be taken advantage of.

Now of course we can all think of situations where this doesn't happen. There have been cases where someone lands before a judge and they yell and shout and tell that judge how things really are. There is a name for these people, convicts. Ultimately it doesn't work. There are subs who let anyone walk all over them. They usually have a long suffering Master trying to teach them situations where they cannot let people do that to them.

As a test of this, just try calling one of the subs who hang out on this site your little slut. If you are not their Master, I feel sorry for you. (I hope your insurance is paid up.)

Yes, some interesting points to ponder there, ashtonD.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ashtonDs

...As a test of this, just try calling one of the subs who hang out on this site your little slut. If you are not their Master, I feel sorry for you. (I hope your insurance is paid up.)

---

This is an interesting one. Chatting online, I've found that while most female submissives will object to being called 'slut' by anyone other than their Master/Mistress, the majority of male subs just can't get enough of this kind of name calling.

Gosh Alex, you know those guys. :rolleyes:

wow Ash you should have this conversation with my owner he agrees with you allmost 100% that everyone is a sorta switch depending on the individuals , perspective and or situation they find them selves in

he even had a big talk in chat about it with some hard core doms that had to admit in certian sicumstances they were subservient to authorities higher than thier own

(first time posting in the this section of the forums, so please be gentle i am like a virgin here) lol

Quote:

---

Originally posted by denuseri:
first time posting in the this section of the forums, so please be gentle i am like a virgin here

---

denusrei, your opinion is welcome anytime.

Plus we are always gentle with virgins here...

:rolleyes: